I know that this may come as a shock to you but yes, I participate in online dating. Really, I just have a online dating account. My extent of online dating is to have random guys tell me that I'm pretty. Shallow? Yes. Do I care? No! Sometimes a girl needs a pick me up. And since the last time a guy told me I was pretty in real life I was in highschool, this seemed like a good option. I really have no desire to date any of the guy on the dating website because A) because I've seen too many E! shows that begin with online dating and end with someone dead and B) there is NO ONE worth dating on these sites. That is was brings us to this post. In my 8 months of having a online dating account, I have noticed that the men that cyberly approach me can be categorized in 9 categories. What do I do with this knowledge, share it with you of course! 

The 9 Guys You Meet Online Dating:

1. The "Hey girl" guys.That's all they write in any message to you- "hey girl." Of course, there are variations to this message that can range from "hi" to "hey" to my personal favorite "heyy gurl". Like, what are you a fierce drag queen? And what's with the two Ys on the hey? Do you think that the the presence of the extra y is going to get you a date with me?  Like I'm sitting at home on my computer going "mhmm he doubled the y, I got to get me some of that!" Um, that would be a nope. You want to know how to get any RESPECTABLE girl- learn how to spell. It's not that hard, most computer have this little thing called auto correct so use it and don't abuse it- the English language that is. 

2. The visual lovers. These are they guys they only go as far as your profile picture before sending a message. They never read anything about you, such as your interest or likes or that you don't drink, but invite you out for one anyway. You wonder, even if it's for a minute, if they are illiterate due to their lack of interest in my interest. I understand that physical appearance DOES factor into dating and that anyone that says otherwise it lying to themselves and others, but it's only a part of dating.Dating is like a book- the cover might draw you in but the writing is what keeps you there! Well it should...unless it's a picture book. So, David, what do we think about these guys?  

 3. The body shot guys. Nothing say romance like a gym selfie of you delts. It might be a little unfair but I automatically put all of these guys into a category labelled "Don't Go There Ever Ever Ever." I mean, maybe I would date you if I wanted to spend a whole date talking about the pros and cons of whey protein after lifting and whether or not your pecs are defined enough or if I wanted to watch you flex in front of every reflective surface you come in contact with. Yep, that's the way to get a girl.Now, disclaimer, these are not the guys that go to the gym. I like going to the gym as well as guys that go to the gym. These are the guys are usually so self absorbed because they have a hot body and aware that they are "hot" which eventually drives all women that come in contact with them away from them...far away. (Which is probably why they have ended up on a online dating website) So I raise my Bojangles cup to you body guy shot. I hope that the hours of developing your body and ignoring your drowning personality will gain you a girl some day. 

4. The Hugh Hefners. Any and all dating websites you sign up on will always ask you your age. Wanna know why? Because people usually date other people around there age. And yet, for some reason, some guy old enough to be your dad will message you. I mean, old guys need love too but so do old women. Have you not seen the commercials for It's Our Time (.com)? There is a dating website for you and your contemporaries where y'all can talk about the moon landing and the Flower Power movement. So, please go stalk them instead of messaging me 6 times. That way, when you are on you date talking about when the Beatles toured America, you can talk to someone who was also alive during that time. 

This could be you!

5. The Super Creeps.The super creeps are a mysterious breed of online daters- like the Trojan horses of men. They seem like harmless, genuine guys but mark my words- these are the guys that make a skin suit of your flesh. You may thing that I'm joking but I'm not. I have only come in contact with this type of guy a few times, with one being most prevalent. This guy told me wrote a page and a half about how I was an angel who fell from heaven to grace the mere mortals with my heavenly face- pretty much everything short of confessing his undying love to me. At first it seemed sweet but after sharing it was my girlfriends it was clear that this guy wasn't romantic- he was a psycho. Seriously, if I had gone on a date with him, I probably would have been found in a ditch missing my lips and hair. Side note- I did see him at school once and though there were witnesses around, I hid my face. I like my lips and hair too much. 

6. The Basement Dwellers. These guys may or may not live in their mother's basement and may or may not have a form of employment. But one this is for sure- they understand any geeky reference you could whip out. They spend most of their time reading Battlestar Galatica fanfiction and Dungeons and Dragons forums and can name all of the Houses of Westeros. Are these bad attributes? No necessarily. In fact, I personally love geeky guys- see Henry Cavill and World of Warcraft. But these guys are typically the kind that rather live their life on the web and not in the presence where we live.That's why online dating probably appeals to them- they can do it online. They just need to surface from their Fortress' of Geeky Solitude once in a while to meet the sun. Please.Oh and eat and apple or something. 

 

7. The Deceivers.The unfortunate truth about the internet is that everyone can be who they want- and it's twice so for online dating. The first thing you see about anyone on a dating website is their picture. So, you obviously want you profile pic to look good. Unfortunately, some guys (and girls) have taken that to a whole new level. They post these unbelievable attractive pictures of them self that makes you click on them, only to reveal the truth-that they look NOTHING like that. Imagine seeing a trailer with Channing Tatum and then going to the movie and Channing Tatum is not in it, but Adam Sandler is. You see my disappointment. I know that looks aren't everything but don't post a photoshopped, filtered picture of you in high school as you profile pic. Not cool. Then there are the ultimate deceivers who must think that every girl on said dating website is an idiot and post a picture of a male celebrity as his profile pic. I came in contact once with a guy who have Chris Hemsworth picture as his profile pic- with Just Jared watermark and all. Being the girl that I am, I called him out. #TrueStory

Profile Pic vs. Reality

8. The Genuine Guys. Yes, they do exist in online dating but are like the proverbial needle in a haystack. To get to these guys you have to sort through men upon men, like a sale bin in Victoria's Secret. These guys have well thought out profiles which include certain unseen dating profile luxuries such as punctuation and capitalization. When they contact you, they focus more on your personality and likes and ask you real questions. These guys do not start by asking for you number or for you to go hangout because they want to get to know you and a person before meeting up in real life. They want to get to know you as you are. Good job guys. 

Dylan O'Brien- because I can

9. The Pervs.These guys are the underbellies of online dating society. They scurry around like cyber rats looking for their next victim to scar. The online dating life is usually very short because they are report so often to the website that they are kicked off. Sometimes these guys will just annoy you and ask things like "Heyy gurl, you wanna hook up later" but sometimes they take this one step further and send an explicit picture of themselves that makes you want to hurl and afraid to close you eyes. Avoid these guys like a plague and be wary opening any messages- a little tip from me to you.

Poor bunny- some things can not be unseen

As you can see, there are all sorts of guys on online dating sites. Some want to bench press you, some want to strip you of your skin and then there are some who want to flash you. Just be careful and safe and it you can find someone worth dating, hold onto them like a dress at a Barney's sample sale. 

XX -but not in a creepy, psycho way

Catherine