I know that this may come as a shock to you but yes, I participate in online dating. Really, I just have a online dating account. My extent of online dating is to have random guys tell me that I'm pretty. Shallow? Yes. Do I care? No! Sometimes a girl needs a pick me up. And since the last time a guy told me I was pretty in real life I was in highschool, this seemed like a good option. I really have no desire to date any of the guy on the dating website because A) because I've seen too many E! shows that begin with online dating and end with someone dead and B) there is NO ONE worth dating on these sites. That is was brings us to this post. In my 8 months of having a online dating account, I have noticed that the men that cyberly approach me can be categorized in 9 categories. What do I do with this knowledge, share it with you of course! 

The 9 Guys You Meet Online Dating:

1. The "Hey girl" guys.That's all they write in any message to you- "hey girl." Of course, there are variations to this message that can range from "hi" to "hey" to my personal favorite "heyy gurl". Like, what are you a fierce drag queen? And what's with the two Ys on the hey? Do you think that the the presence of the extra y is going to get you a date with me?  Like I'm sitting at home on my computer going "mhmm he doubled the y, I got to get me some of that!" Um, that would be a nope. You want to know how to get any RESPECTABLE girl- learn how to spell. It's not that hard, most computer have this little thing called auto correct so use it and don't abuse it- the English language that is. 

2. The visual lovers. These are they guys they only go as far as your profile picture before sending a message. They never read anything about you, such as your interest or likes or that you don't drink, but invite you out for one anyway. You wonder, even if it's for a minute, if they are illiterate due to their lack of interest in my interest. I understand that physical appearance DOES factor into dating and that anyone that says otherwise it lying to themselves and others, but it's only a part of dating.Dating is like a book- the cover might draw you in but the writing is what keeps you there! Well it should...unless it's a picture book. So, David, what do we think about these guys?  

 3. The body shot guys. Nothing say romance like a gym selfie of you delts. It might be a little unfair but I automatically put all of these guys into a category labelled "Don't Go There Ever Ever Ever." I mean, maybe I would date you if I wanted to spend a whole date talking about the pros and cons of whey protein after lifting and whether or not your pecs are defined enough or if I wanted to watch you flex in front of every reflective surface you come in contact with. Yep, that's the way to get a girl.Now, disclaimer, these are not the guys that go to the gym. I like going to the gym as well as guys that go to the gym. These are the guys are usually so self absorbed because they have a hot body and aware that they are "hot" which eventually drives all women that come in contact with them away from them...far away. (Which is probably why they have ended up on a online dating website) So I raise my Bojangles cup to you body guy shot. I hope that the hours of developing your body and ignoring your drowning personality will gain you a girl some day. 

4. The Hugh Hefners. Any and all dating websites you sign up on will always ask you your age. Wanna know why? Because people usually date other people around there age. And yet, for some reason, some guy old enough to be your dad will message you. I mean, old guys need love too but so do old women. Have you not seen the commercials for It's Our Time (.com)? There is a dating website for you and your contemporaries where y'all can talk about the moon landing and the Flower Power movement. So, please go stalk them instead of messaging me 6 times. That way, when you are on you date talking about when the Beatles toured America, you can talk to someone who was also alive during that time. 

This could be you!

5. The Super Creeps.The super creeps are a mysterious breed of online daters- like the Trojan horses of men. They seem like harmless, genuine guys but mark my words- these are the guys that make a skin suit of your flesh. You may thing that I'm joking but I'm not. I have only come in contact with this type of guy a few times, with one being most prevalent. This guy told me wrote a page and a half about how I was an angel who fell from heaven to grace the mere mortals with my heavenly face- pretty much everything short of confessing his undying love to me. At first it seemed sweet but after sharing it was my girlfriends it was clear that this guy wasn't romantic- he was a psycho. Seriously, if I had gone on a date with him, I probably would have been found in a ditch missing my lips and hair. Side note- I did see him at school once and though there were witnesses around, I hid my face. I like my lips and hair too much. 

6. The Basement Dwellers. These guys may or may not live in their mother's basement and may or may not have a form of employment. But one this is for sure- they understand any geeky reference you could whip out. They spend most of their time reading Battlestar Galatica fanfiction and Dungeons and Dragons forums and can name all of the Houses of Westeros. Are these bad attributes? No necessarily. In fact, I personally love geeky guys- see Henry Cavill and World of Warcraft. But these guys are typically the kind that rather live their life on the web and not in the presence where we live.That's why online dating probably appeals to them- they can do it online. They just need to surface from their Fortress' of Geeky Solitude once in a while to meet the sun. Please.Oh and eat and apple or something. 

 

7. The Deceivers.The unfortunate truth about the internet is that everyone can be who they want- and it's twice so for online dating. The first thing you see about anyone on a dating website is their picture. So, you obviously want you profile pic to look good. Unfortunately, some guys (and girls) have taken that to a whole new level. They post these unbelievable attractive pictures of them self that makes you click on them, only to reveal the truth-that they look NOTHING like that. Imagine seeing a trailer with Channing Tatum and then going to the movie and Channing Tatum is not in it, but Adam Sandler is. You see my disappointment. I know that looks aren't everything but don't post a photoshopped, filtered picture of you in high school as you profile pic. Not cool. Then there are the ultimate deceivers who must think that every girl on said dating website is an idiot and post a picture of a male celebrity as his profile pic. I came in contact once with a guy who have Chris Hemsworth picture as his profile pic- with Just Jared watermark and all. Being the girl that I am, I called him out. #TrueStory

Profile Pic vs. Reality

8. The Genuine Guys. Yes, they do exist in online dating but are like the proverbial needle in a haystack. To get to these guys you have to sort through men upon men, like a sale bin in Victoria's Secret. These guys have well thought out profiles which include certain unseen dating profile luxuries such as punctuation and capitalization. When they contact you, they focus more on your personality and likes and ask you real questions. These guys do not start by asking for you number or for you to go hangout because they want to get to know you and a person before meeting up in real life. They want to get to know you as you are. Good job guys. 

Dylan O'Brien- because I can

9. The Pervs.These guys are the underbellies of online dating society. They scurry around like cyber rats looking for their next victim to scar. The online dating life is usually very short because they are report so often to the website that they are kicked off. Sometimes these guys will just annoy you and ask things like "Heyy gurl, you wanna hook up later" but sometimes they take this one step further and send an explicit picture of themselves that makes you want to hurl and afraid to close you eyes. Avoid these guys like a plague and be wary opening any messages- a little tip from me to you.

Poor bunny- some things can not be unseen

As you can see, there are all sorts of guys on online dating sites. Some want to bench press you, some want to strip you of your skin and then there are some who want to flash you. Just be careful and safe and it you can find someone worth dating, hold onto them like a dress at a Barney's sample sale. 

XX -but not in a creepy, psycho way

Catherine 

He's Just Not That Into You?

Without a doubt, every woman- young or old- has heard this phrase at least once in their life. Goodness, there is even a book and movie that claim it as it's title and center around the complex relationship we weave in and out of on this planet. Unfortunately, for me, this is the exaggerated yet accurate description of my love life. Questions like this keep me up into the morning hours, wondering what in the goodness, gracious Earth is going on between me and some guy. Why can't their be a manual that lays down every questioning move a guy does and interprets it in a cute, color coded form- most likely typed in the cliche Curlz font- for times like this when my head is reeling and my heart is breaking? Because life is not meant to be easy, Catherine. So, I as I sit here in Starbucks like a pretentious poser, typing away on my Dad's borrowed laptop and sipping my iced mocha lite, I can't help but wonder....is he just not into me? 

The he, for the purpose of this post, will remain anonymous but is a real, real person, I assure you. And the me, sadly enough, is me. I'm the girl who's heart is in a limbo between breaking and happiness- unsure which way I will be pulled. Every move and word can be interpreted into a certain connotation, both positive or negative, and it's up to me and me alone to figure out which one is the truth. Luckily, I have my girls- K and Aim- who are trying to help me along the way but it's not always enough. Each couple- and I mean that as two individuals that are not strictly in a relationship as opposed to the traditional meaning- are unique as to how they communicate and relate in their relationship. What he might do with one girl, may be different for me- it's like the relative theory on dating. And, unlike the variables in calculus, they aren't easily applied to each relationship. So,I sit her trying to communicate each little move as it applies to me and him, no him and another girl or me and another guy or even the relationships that K and Aim have had. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Which brings me back to an earlier point- why can't their be a manual? Sure, their are Internet articles and the ever popular Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book that have guided so many relation-less women towards a higher understanding of the opposite sex- but can it be applied to me? Or are we different? And how do some girls have this all figured out. We all know those girls that go from relationship to relationship, always able to find another guy. It's these girls that we all wish we were like. But, do even they have it figured out? Or do we just think that they do? Maybe they are as clueless as we are, but the dating odds are just in their favor. 

Now, you may be wondering where I am going with all of this. Honestly, I don't really know where I am going with all of this so I guess I'll start from the beginning. Luckily, I think the possibility of the him actually reading this is about a likely as me winning a million dollars so I think I'll be safe sharing all of this and it won't come back to bite me on the butt. Despite my apprehensions, or lack there of, I need to get this out some way and writing is my avenue. 

So, there is this guy. It's crazy to think of how many conversations I have begun with that same sentence but that's the only way I can begin this story. There is this guy that I have know for quite a while and I have always had an interest in him, romantically. Way back when, we had a short lived, teenage relationship that inevitable failed, but I have always had some sort of interest in him. I can't pin point what the interest was about, whether is be an attraction to his personality, or the way he made me fell or the fact that I find him the most attractive man I have ever met, it's always been there. I have dated other guys but in between my failed relationships, my thoughts have always returned to him. It's like he's the flame and I'm the moth- I'm drawn to him. 

After a few years of pursuing a failed potential relationship with him, I eventually decided that it's not going to happen- that ship as sailed. But, it were those moments where I thought I was out that he would come swooping in.

Lauren Conrad gets me. But that's honestly how it goes. I leave one little happy birthday message on a Facebook wall and suddenly I'm at a midnight movie with the guy I swore off. How does that happen?

In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have gone because then I wouldn't be here, questioning what is and isn't going on. But, coulda, woulda, shoulda. So, I went to this midnight movie with him, the guy of my affection and attraction for years and had a fabulous time and he hugged me and told me he wanted to hang out again and left me at my car with more questions then when I went in with. 
I thought that maybe I was getting my chance that I had been pining for for years. He wanted to see me again. He hugged me. Maybe I charmed and smiled enough for him to actually want to see me again. I tried to be the most charming Catherine I could be and maybe it had finally worked! All of my bad relationship luck had to pay of sometime, maybe this was it. So, I was high of the euphoric feeling that things were going my way until evey attempt to hang out during the winter break was met with a dead end. Maybe he didn't really want to hang out with me, maybe it was all in my head. It certainly made sense, he was goregous and interesting and I'm just Catherine who sucks at life and love. This was just who we are. 
So, I set my sights on getting over him again and he didn't make it easy for me. I would get twitter favorites and Facebook likes that would set my mind reeling my fingers texting to my besties for interpretation. The most confusing this came around Valentine's day with a comment (regarding my love life) on a Facebook tag post I did and that was he took down within 20 minutes- K, counted.  Could it be that he thought I would think it was mean OR was he showing me his metaphorical hand? Maybe I'll never know. 
Nevertheless, the world went on and I tried to move on. Moving on would have been easier if I had someone to move on with, but that was not the case for me. I told myself what I had told myself before- "He's not into you", "he's not interested" and the every popular "It's never going to happen." In fact, I think that I have a better chance at dating the cute baseball player from my last post that ever getting a chance with this guy again- and I mean that in all honesty. 

Determined and quite used to the routine, I  was getting over him. I didn't check his Facebook or Twitter, I didn't care- he and I were only two people living on the same planet and nothing more. I even tried to develop a friends with benefits relationship -for me, that only means kissing- with a hot guy friend that would never date me to help with the physical relationship withdraws that I was having 
Then he texted me. One night, when I was finally happy and my phone was dead, he decided that he wanted to watch a movie and wondered if I want to join. All of the damage control I had done over the pass months was undone with a little text message. Maybe I never truly put up the walls that I need to. I used 2 x 4s and wood glue where clearly concrete blocks and cement were needed. 
 I couldn't hang out with him that night, I was nearly two hours away and not at home for the weekend since I stared school Monday. But my rejection to his invitation didn't stop him from carrying on a conversation until 1 the next morning- even though I tried to go to bed. 
I couldn' t help but wonder what had brought this all on. Had he wanted to try to see me for months but he couldn't until now due to his work schedule and living hours away? Or was he just trying to use me for my extensive DVD collection? I affixated on the first, assured that I was what he wanted and not my extended edition copy of Return of the King. 
We talked the next night, instigated by me, for almost 3 hours. The conversation seemed as effortless as the night before. I even think he was pausing his video game to talk to me and I'm told that  that means something. Was this going to be my life now? Would he and I spend the nights texting then slowly edging into talking on the phone? I hoped so. We might be separated by hundred of miles but I think we both have good long distance cell plans and unused minutes, I could have worked. And I wanted it to. I thought that maybe this was my time, that God had may our possible relationship wait until the opportune moment for both of us. Even the shuffle on my iPod seemed a lot more optimistic- Don't Worry Baby seemed to played more than normal. Even I seemed more opened and optimistic about love and relationships and I'm a cynical, realist that is sure that I'm not getting married.  
The boy of my interest for a decade finally acted like he wanted to see me and by George was I going to make sure we got to hang out at least once before he left. 
After nearly two weeks after his first instigation, we finally did hang out. And I screwed it all up. Glad to see that I haven't lost my old ways at ruining any chance for happiness with him. 
He came over to my nearly bare, on the market house and we watched a movie. Well, we sorta watched a movie- he was too busy checking his fantasy football league on his cell phone while I was text K and Aim so I didn't see like a lifeless loser. This was not at all how I expected it to go. In my mind, we would talk and laugh and all but forget about the movie. He would try his best just to touch my hand or arm and every time he did, I was smile, never looking at him and, at the end of the night, we would have a romantic Hollywood goodbye and leave with a promise of doing it again sometime soon. But that's the thing about expectations- they hardly every match up with reality. 
Now, don't get me wrong, we did talk and laugh and was had a serious conversation that may me realize that I just wasn't physically attracted to him, I was attracted to who he was. And I thought maybe I was getting to him, in a good way. He was give me these little side ways glances and bring up our past relationship even as far as to ask me what perfume I wore when we were together because he remembered it. But there were times where I felt clueless as to what I should say or do next and ten minute long stretches of silent that may me wonder if his possible interested was only in my head. 
And the fact that he look impeccable good didn't help either. I think I had forgotten he could look in a t-shirt and his arms were.....well, I let you imagine how good his arms looked. 
The night wasn't as awkward as I thought it would have been but it wasn't as comfortable and easy as I had hoped it would have been. I guess it was whatever a medium between the two would be...awkwortable? 
Now that the movie was over, there was one this we had to do- say goodbye. Like a good little girl, I walked him to his car, in the dark since my outside lights must be out. He told me that he had a good time and that we should do it again. I expected him to say something like this, I had heard it the last time we had hung out and I just figured it was a line, like telling someone that you should get coffee sometime but both understanding that it's never going to happen. But, they came what I was waiting for- the goodnight hug. Would he go one arm, or two arms? Would he try to kiss me? This hug could tell me where I was with him. He reached out an arm- just one- and me and my awkward nervous state said "umm, do you want a one arm hug or two". Surprisingly after my stupid question, we had a two arm hug. And it felt perfect. I felt like I perfectly fit into his arms, which were wrapped tightly around me. I fit in his nook, with my face against his chest, cheek against she soft t-shirt that he was wearing and my arms wrapped around his back. I could feel his back muscles through his shirt. I don't know how tight he was hold me, but I think I was holding him pretty tight. And I can't seem to care. If this was all I was going to get, I might as well make it good. But, when we finally let go, however long that was, I made sure to go ahead and ruin it by saying that it was a little awkward. It was like word vomit spewing out of my mouth. Seriously, could my brain shut up for one second and let me enjoy my only contact with a man in 3 years? 
He replied "Awkward? We are friends, aren't we." It amazing how five little words can break your castle of hope and friend zone you. And we all know that once we go into the friend zone, the possibility of getting out is slim to none. Yes, I want to be his friend. Friendship is kinda a precursor to any sort of romantic relationship. In all actuality, what I want in a future mate is a best friend that I make out with. But I don't want to just be his friend forever. 
I told him that it's always going to be a little awkward with him thought I didn't expound as to why. He didn't need to know that the awkwardness was fueled by the fact that I still find him extremely attractive, thought he knows that I do after last night, and I enjoyed our hug a little too much. 

I went into my house angry at myself for ruining my only chance with him- I'm still angry truth be told. I texted K who proceeded to try to calm me down by assuring me that it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was and to sleep on it, maybe things would look different in the morning. They didn't. Instead, I've been on the verge of tears all day, knowing fully that it's over- I had a chance and I ruined it. I even tried to see what he was thinking by sending his a quick text telling him that I had fun and thanking him for hanging out and jokingly say that hopefully it won't be 9 months before we can hang out again. What I got in return was a short, seven word response and a lost hope. 

So, there's my sad sob story of desperation and despair. Do I love him? No. Do I even like him in a romantic way? No...maybe. I don't know him well enough to say either way. But I do feel something for him, whether it be like or lust (not sin lust, physical attraction) that keeps me interested in him. Maybe I just was to be like we were when we dated, I was happy then and he's a good kisser. Honestly, I don't think I would ever know until he and I tried a relationship again. And now, I have blown that chance so I'll probably never know. 

Girls, learn from me, please.  My heart can be broken, it's actually gotten used to it. But I would never wish that upon anyone else. 

Love to all-
Catherine

Christian Boys:

 Why We Love Them

Yes, yes, yes, this is another dating post which is quite funny for me because I am as single as single comes. One of these reasons that I started this blog is so that I have something to do to fight the loneliness I have developed after leaving most of my friends and moving for school and to be with my family. 

But enough about me, let's get to the real topic of today. 

For Christians dating is a little bit different from the dating world of, well, the world. If you don't believe me then maybe you are doing Christian dating wrong. 

Now, there are some things that Christians guys do that Christians girls think is- I'll outright say it- sexy. And by sexy I mean "oh my word, please marry me now" sexy. 

So, I talked to my girlfriends and together we have complied a list (yay! lists!) about what Christian girls find sexy in Christian guys. So, without further ado...

Top Six Things Christian Guys Do that are Sexy:

1. Say a prayer before you eat on a date. When I was younger, I'll admit that I got a little embarrassed about and would wonder what other people thought when we bowed our heads. Now that I have matured a whole lot, it's completely sexy. When you are with a guy who loves the Lord enough to stop and pray before a meal despite who is around or where you are at shows you the type of husband and spiritual leader of your family. 
2. Give a public talk. Whether is be at a devotional or in front of the whole congregation, something about seeing a guy up there spreading the word of God make everyone young woman drool. And he doesn't even have to be good at it. If he up there stumbling over his words, he adorable and cute and you can't wait for him to come down so you can tell him that he did wonderful and fawn over him, just a little bit. If he's a veteran at it and does wonderful, then he just looks hot. No need to sugar coat that. 
3. Holding the songbook for the both of you during church. Here is my qualm with this whole "paperless" approach for church: no one uses a book any more so there are no guys holding books. :( I loved it when my boyfriend or any boy for that matter would hold the book for me in church. He would hold the book with his big strong arms and veins popping out all over the place, really showing off that he's a man. Love it. So, we might have to bring back song books just for me and my love of forearms, okay?
4. When guys hold you hand during a prayer. Though I'm really not a big hand holding person during a prayer, I don't understand the purpose of holding hands of complete strangers or the little squeeze after Amen. I mean really, what is that? I'll admit it , I have spent more that one prayer focused on the hand that is clasped in mine wondering if he/she can feel my head starting to sweat or that little dry spot that I can get below my ring finger and if they now think that I'm gross. Yeah, not the best thoughts during a prayer. However, when it's your boyfriend or the guy you are dating, it's like a sense of togetherness, together you are offering up this prayer. And, hopefully he has held your hand before so you are worrying less on what they think about your hand and are focused more on what they are saying. 
5. When guys roll their sleeves up. Okay, I know that this doesn't apply only to Christian guys, but I feel like I see it more in them since it's kinda the "dress-code" for church. Guys, every girl loves it when you unbutton your sleeves and roll them up a few times. It makes us go wild! And then, when they hold the song book and they have their veins all popping out...well, it's just an amazing amazing thing.
6. And the last, when a guy leads singing. Now, this is a special one because not every guy can lead singing- some think that they can, but they can't. But when a guy gets up there and leads and knows what he is doing, there is probably nothing hotter. Add that to holding a song book and rolling up his sleeves and you might be in love with him by the end of the song, it's true. But remember ladies, to pay attention to the words of the song, no matter how good he looks. 

So, there you have it. This post may of not been as entertaining as the last too, but I hope you enjoyed in nonetheless. Have a wonderful "hump day" and I'll post again soon!

Lots of Love-

Catherine

My first time...

I kissed a boy.

Okay, admit it, you got all excited thinking that I was going to write about something completely personal? Shame on you ;) 

I got the idea of this post from English Youtubers, Zoella and Sprinkle of Glitter, and I thought that I would maybe share some of my first times with the world. However, I only think that three people actually read my blog-one of them is probably my mother-so I guess I'm only sharing it with a very small percent of the population. Well, no matter how many or whoever is reading, here we go.

*Catherine Note*: All names have been changed to in order to protect the parties associate. I have decided to change them all, possibly including my own, to Disney character names because I'm fun like that. 

My first kiss,

A tale by Catherine 

Once upon a time, when I was in kindergarten, I kissed two boys in one day and I got in trouble. 

Though that story is very true, I don't that kissing before puberty counts. So here is the true account of my true first kiss. 

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Alabamaistan, I was forced to change high schools. My parents thought it would be best for me to attend a small, private Christian school along with my brothers. On my first day of school, I saw him- Philip for this stories sake- in band. He was the cutest boy I had ever seen, and that's saying something. Naturally, as was accustomed of my fourteen years old self, I was determined to make him my boyfriend, despite the fact that he was sixteen. I was a lot more forward back in those days, in case my kissing two boys in kindergarten didn't tell you that, so I immediately wrote a note to my only friend at my new school casually about the unknown cute drummer. And by casually, I mean with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. She told me that he was named "Philip" and that he had a nice family and that we could use year books to figure out more about him. You see boys and girls, this was 2003 and we didn't have Facebook or Twitter to stalk a boy through. If I did have it, I would have been unstoppable!

 So, Aurora- me- pursued Philip through the only forms of communication we used in these ancient days, AIM and notes. We wrote notes and IMed but, despite my best efforts, my attempts were all met with failure. This was unusually for me but, after a while, I backed off and decided it would never happen. However, everything changed one afternoon , on the band trip or tennis trip- I still don't know which one. This trip isn't important, however, the simple fact is that he suddenly liked me and it only took me a whole school year- it was May at this point- for him to come around. We officially started "going out" on whatever day my brother graduated from High School...I think. I was around that time and the official date isn't important to this story. 

Now, here is what you have all been waiting for, the story of the first kiss.  By the end of the end of the school year, something magical had happened that only happens one it probably 10,000- me and my best friends were dating, going out, with three best friends. This was highly convenient because we always had another couple to hang out with. Things were pretty great. The beginning of June brought Rapunzel's birthday so we all headed up to a little amusement park to celebrate, Rapunzel and her man, Belle and her man and me and Philip. I remember what I wore, khakis capris  and a pink v-neck shirt with white flip flops. Looking back, I wish I had been kissed in a lot better outfit but what can you do? We spent our day riding various rides, as couple of course,  and having alot of fun. Well, we were having alot of fun until Belle's guy broke up with her- as he purposely planned to do- and everyone else felt awkward. Nothing like you best friend crying in an amusement park after be broken up with by her boyfriend to put the happy in "Happy Birthday". 

While Belle and her now ex-beau talked. Rapunzel and her guy and my and my guy decided to go on a little ride together. I would describe this ride as Splash Mountain's dull grandmother. There were no singing animals or whimsical drops or colors. Basically, it was a tunnel that ended in a drop. Exciting, I know. Well, we get on this ride with he and I, strategically or not so strategically,  sitting in the back and we started going through this tunnel which continued to get darker and darker as we continued on. Soon, it was pitch black and we were all snuggled up in the back row with his arm around me. It was so romantic. Next thing I know, he kissed my cheek. Naturally, I turned to look at him in the pitch black dark. Then, it happened. Honestly, I don't know if it looked like the movies because I was involved in it and was not having an out of body experience at that moment. In fact, I didn't realize that was happening till about half was through the kiss. 

This was the conversation going on in my head at the time.

What, was is that? Are those lips? Are they his lips? Moron, he is kissing you! He's kissing me and I'm missing it. Are you eyes closed? No, I don't think so, are they supposed to be? Yes, that's how is it done in the movies. Oh yeah, right! 

Unfortunately I never closed my eyes so I'm sure that I looked like a proper idiot. When the kiss ended, I remember smiling and saying something about his six months since his last kiss being up, because I'm smooth like that. For the rest of the afternoon, especially about the time my mother was supposed to come get me to take me home, I was completely terrified to be alone with him for fear that he would kiss me again and I would do something stupid again or worse, my mother would see. 

And that's the story of my first kiss. It wasn't movie-esque or perfectly time to a song. Instead, it was just me and the boy I liked in the back of a boat- but it was perfect. 

The first kiss is one of the most pivotal moment in a girls life. It doesn't require the perfect place and moment, just the perfect person. And it doesn't have to be a big, elaborate kiss. I can just be a sweet little peck, a chaste kiss if you will. Leave a comment below and tell me about your first kiss, how magically it was or if was slobbery, I would love to hear your storied especially if you had made it this far into mine. 

Now, this was only my first simple, innocent kiss. My first real kiss, and if you don't know what I mean by real than you probably should go back to watching iCarly, was later that month and doesn't have a cute story that accompanies it. It was still pretty hot, though,

Well, I hope you enjoyed a little look into my life. And, if you are my 13 year old daughter who somehow found this on the world wide web, your mom was just like you once. Now, turn off your computer or whatever internet capable device you are using and go to bed!

Love to all-

Catherine

What I did on my summer vacation-

So school has begun, well at least it has in Alabama, and with the beginning of school comes along the cliche "What I did during my summer vacation" essay that ever student supposedly writes every year, if you believe popular pop culture. I, however, have only written one, nearly ten year ago on my family's vacation where we all got the stomach virus. Such happy memories. So, since it's been a decade, I have decided to write my own essay on my summer vacation..well, what I have observed on my summer vacation.

First off, I have really had no summer vacation. I decided, in a whim of stupidity, that I needed to take summer classes that occupied most of my time this summer. That, along with my computer deciding to die a horrible death of horribleness, explains my long absence. But, nevertheless, I am back to infuse the world with my off handed humor and wisdom. You're welcome. Okay,back  to the task at hand. I have been on summer vacation for a grand total of 2 weeks. For 10 days of those two weeks I have been on a family vacation to, surprise surprise, Disney World. So, as I walked around the happiest place on Earth-usually with some sort of sweet or salty treat in my hand- I began to notice the crowd around me....it was all couples. I felt as in everyone I came in contact with was either celebrating an anniversary or engagement or their wedding or just simply taking a trip together so that they could suck face in the queue of a popular ride- like the couple in the Soarin' like where the guy was playfully biting his girlfriend's nose three feet away from me. (The worst part about that wasn't the cannibalistic public behavior but the fact that there were wearing practically the same shorts...Daisy Dukes. *shudder*) Nothing can bring a girl down faster from a cupcake induced sugar high that realizing that you are all alone in crowd of 100,000 plus couples. Yeah, happiest place on Earth all right. After I got through the emotional turmoil, I really began to look at these couples. Now, what I am about to say may never happen again, but I have to say it. *Deep breath* I was wrong. There I said it, I was wrong and I hate admitting that. For years I have believed that we, single people, were each in a dating league and we only dated within our league with very few exceptions that only manifest in the celebrity world. (Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, seriously, how did that happen?) But, from what I observed in my ten days at the happiest place on Earth was that there is no rhyme or reason under the sun or sea when it comes to matters of the heart. I saw in all, gorgeous guys with average guys, average girls with gorgeous guys, big guys with skinny girls, skinny guys with big girls. See what I mean, no rhyme or reason. Now, don't get me wrong, I saw plenty of gorgeous couples and average couples, couples that would have fit my now invalid theory, but they seemed to be few and far between.

So, what's the point of this, you ask. Well, besides me growing as a person by admitting that I'm wrong, it also restored my faith in the human race when it comes to the WWI battle trenches that I believe dating to be. (Love in a Battlefield- Pat Benatar. Not my usual 80's forte, but I think every female has jumped on her bed screaming the lyrics like in 13 Going on 30) Maybe, instead of it all being physical, as I have come to believe, the human society is looking at the heart first and not the head...or face. Isn't in the person inside that we need to be in love with and not the fun candy coating. The personality is what we should desire about the person, not the gorgeous eyes or strong jaw line or, my weakness, great, muscular, vein popping out forearms. (What can I say, I'm a freak)  But, should I throw myself (haha, like I could ever man up and do that) at every great pair of arms that comes my way and ignore the vein-less sweet guy that will flirt and make fun of me and laugh at my poor attempted jokes? As mentioned several times throughout the Bible, "Certainly not!"  Personality makes a person and, from what my limited dating knowledge is that personality can also make the face, so to speak. I have been in a relationship where I was not at all physically attracted to the guy, but, as I got to know him, I found myself more and more attractive to him. This is apparently what everyone else has figured out, except for me. I have been limiting myself to going after guys that I feel are on my level physically. And, when you feel like the only good feature on you face are your blue eyes and sometimes tamable hair on your head, you don't have much to go on. (No, I'm not fishing for a compliment- this isn't Facebook or Twitter- I'm just brutally honest with myself) But now, after my revelation, I know that love doesn't work like that. I could end up with a dorky guy with glasses and a bachelor's degree in compute science just as easily as I could end up with a gorgeous baseball player- I'll let you guess which one and, no, it's not Dan Uggla. It's all about chemistry. With the right guy (or girl if you are a guy and reading this) it won't matter what your jean size is or hair color or eye color or skin color, for that matter. The right person will be right. So, maybe, instead of working so hard to make over our outside, we work on making over our insides. And I'm preaching to myself here. I don't know if Blogger has a limited on how much you can write but a list of all of my personality shortcomings would probably test that theory. Luckily, these are things we can work on and change, unlike our physical appearance, unless you have a butt load of money cause insurance won't cover that... maybe under Obamacare because that's important. 

Now, after saying that, I do feel like that I have to added a little side note to all of this. Though personality is very important in our travels across this globe to find the proverbial  "One", physical attraction still plays a role in all of this. No matter how wonderful or compatible a personality is, if he/she can't curl your toes with a kiss, then it's probably not going to work. And it doesn't even have to go as far as a kiss to realize this. We all have friends, male or female, that have the greatest personality but, not matter what, you can't make yourself attracted to them. These individuals are usually the ones that we make our "If I don't get married by..." pacts with to assure that we won't be alone for the rest of out lives and that we can have children...though they will probably be adopted. 

So, what am I trying to say in all of this First, I was wrong. My whole system of dating that I developed roughly around the age of 18 is an utter and complete lie...please don't tell my best friends who already told me that I was wrong. Second, the person inside is the person worth looking for. Don't tell yourself that someone it "too attractive" for you or "not attractive enough". Give them, who they really are, a chance- you might just be suprised. Also, no matter what he looks like, he's (or she's) not worth it if he doesn't love the Lord or you the way you should be. From what I have seen of the world, some "10"s have really crappy personalities and some "5"s can make you heart sing.  So, find someone that makes you heart sing or laugh or whatever you are looking for in life. 

Love,

Catherine 

Don't Worry Baby...

In the summer of 1964, legendary rock/pop,California surf boy icons the Beach Boys released a song titled, "Don't Worry Baby." Through my life, I have heard this song countless times- more notably as the ending ballad to Drew Barrymore's Never Been Kissed, a fairy tale, feel good movie if there ever was one. This past spring, while studying for the Cell Bio final from the underworld, this very same song popped up on my Pandora stream and was instantly in love.I don't know if it was because I was laying outside, trying to sun kiss my inherited fair Viking, British skin and it reminded me of summer time or it reminded me of my youth, but I was soon hooked on the songs three verses and catchy chorus.

The other day, while jamming out in my car to this very tune- it hit me. I love this song most of all for what it's trying to say in the three verses and catchy chorus. Here I was, listening shallowly to the ridculously good harmony (those boys had their act together-literally) that I missed the point of the song- don't worry baby. Whether this point was intended or not, the lyrics were and are very substantial. Don't believe me? Read the lyrics of the chorus for yourself.

But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright



"Don't worry baby." The Beach Boys decided to repeat this phrase 18 times in this song, sometimes followed with the words of comfort- "everything will turn out alright". And I realized what drew me to this song. It wasn't the catchy tune or melodious harmony- it was the simple message to ease my anxiety.




Who all of us here suffer from some sort of anxiety? My hand shot straight up, how about yours? Every day we are faced with something that worries us, whether is be grades, relationships, the state of the country, your mortgage, your job or even the cliffhanger from you favorite T.V. show. Many sleepless nights had occured over the simple fact that we can't get whatever worries us out of our heads.

In the past I have had many sleepless nights like this, most a result from school. "Did we have homework?" "What if I did the wrong assignment?" "I accidentally saw someone else's paper- does that mean that I cheated?" I can remember all of those little meaningless questions keeping me up for hours into the night. Luckily though, I have an understanding mother who would calm my active conscience and assure me that "everything will turn out alright."

Now, that I'm an adult, my worries have changed to- "I hope I get into the grad school I want" and "What if I never get married?" followed closely by "What if I never have kids?"

My worries may seem like trivial things to you- but they are big thing to me and have, sadly enough, brought me to tears on more than one occasion. But, that's when I need to remember the comforting words of the Beach Boys- don't worry baby, everything will turn out alright.

Still not comforted? How about these words from Matthew 6:34?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Or Luke 12:22

"Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on"



Now, don't go around telling everyone that I have said that all we have to do is lay back and everything God will handle everything. He still expects us to do what it needed to ease these worries. If I want to get into a certain Grad school- then I have to study hard and take the GRE. Divine intervention won't get me into school- I have to make an effort.

Or, if I guy that I'm interested in rejects me- which, despite my good looks and charming personality, happens (That's sarcasm for those of you who didn't pick up on that)- it doesn't mean that I am a witless and dull, ogre-like looking woman. It just means that he's not he right one or it's not the right time and props to me for even taking the initiative and putting myself out there-something I'm often to scared to do.




What I am really trying to say is, if you do everything you are suppose to do, don't worry about things you have no control over. As long as you have done everything you need to succeed, whether it be in school or relationships or life in general, don't worry about the outcome. Just place your trust in God's hands. And don't worry if they don't work out in a way that you want them to. Paul wrote in Rom. 8:28 " And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" There is a reason why things work out the way that they do- and we are definitely not wise enough to understand God's purpose in every single decision. But, how many times have you looked back on a past even in you life that maybe didn't work out the way you wanted and saw God's blessings in it? In the meme world, we would say "I see what you did there".




I'm really preaching to myself in this but hopefully someone else will take some comfort out of it.



So, the next time you are worried, whether it be tomorrow or a year from now, just remember- don't worry baby, everything will turn out all right.




Lots of love,

Catherine

Checklists: Good ideas or impossible standards?

Last night, I watch a movie. Of course, movie watching is not uncommon for me but what was out of the ordinary was that it was a made-for-TV movie. I usually don't like those. I mean, when was the last time Ryan Gosling was in a made-for-TV movie? The plots are usually predictable. the acting sub par and there is-usually- a lack in the hottie department. However, boredom and a desire to relax (and hopefully fall asleep) induced my viewing of Beauty and the Briefcase.
Beauty and the Briefcase stars Hiliary Duff probably better known as the Disney sweetheart star of Lizzie McGuire. I used to LOVE watching Lizzie McGuire. She was a spunky teen who self-narrated her life and got to kiss Aaron Carter- which was my life goal at 13. Hiliary Duff's character was Lane, a up and coming fashion writer wannabe who desperately wanted a byline in Cosmo. (the greatest magazine ever) Fate drops an opportunity in her lap and she meets with a Cosmo editor who, though initial rejecting all of her article pitches, agrees to let her write an undercover article of dating in the business world. For this article, Lane is supposed to find a guy in a suit who meets the criteria of her "magic man checklist".
Here's the list, it's out of order and msising a few,but you get the gist:
3. Spontaneous
2. Sexy Accent
7. Travels to exotic locations on a whim
4. Fashion Sense
8. Plays a sexy musical instrument
9. Witty statements on the tip of his tongue
6. Same taste in food
1. Puts passion above common sense
(Thanks to google.)

While I was watching this movie, I began to wonder...Do I have a list? Sure, there are things I like and disslike when it comes to dating and men, but could I sit down and write a checklist for my ideal guy? Would mine be as shallow? (Yes I think ^ one is a little shallow)
Well, I love a good challenge so here is my attempt at writing out my own checklist.

1.) Smart. I tend to be more attracted towards men in the math/science field. I think a smart mind it a sexy mind. My ideal type of man would be either a doctor or engineer. Doctor because what is sexier than saving lives and engineer because they can make things and they are ridculously useful to have around the house, especially if you have my track record with cars. (I'll save those little nuggets od happiness for another day...stupid cars.) Now, my preferences may all be linked to my love for the math and science field but I just really want someone that, at the end of the day when I as "How was your day today, honey?", I can understand and enjoy to listen to. Do they have to be a doctor or engineer? No and if I ever do get married they, most likely they won't but hey, a girl can dream.  
2.) They HAVE to know how to dress themselves. Now, if I showed pictures of my ex-boyfriends right here, you would wonder why this is one my list since I have never dated a guy with any type of fashion sense. In fact, they all three (yes, just three, by Samatha Jones standard I'm a loser) dressed EXACTLY the same: carpenter jeans (yuck), faded t-shirts that were either too big or, in one case, too small (though I didn't mind), ugly worn New Balance shoes that they wear practically every day (one wore the same part of adias EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere, even to church.) If these guys ever dressed up- like, for church- it was usually a oversize/undersize polo pair with the same jeans or cargo pants and the same tennis shoes. This is going to sound so snobbish but I hated the way they all dressed. Would reading a label kill them? They would all have looked 100% better if their clothes had just fit. And dressing nice. What was up with their adversion to dress shirts and nice slacks?
(Editor's Note: Well, I've seen pictures of one recently and he has definitely made progresss since our time together-he looked HOT! and was wearing a suit.)
Now, I said that they had to know how to dress themselves which means: they now the right sizes to buy and they know which brands they look best in (like how I prefer Gap jeans over Aero because Gap covers my butt better) and they know what to wear for certain occasions, like dates, church, other important occasions where a t-shirt and jeans just won't cut it. And, no, I don't hate t-shirts and jeans. In my closet I have quite a collection of t-shirts, ranging from novelty to college team (Go Illini!) and I love wearing them. I just want to open my door for a first date and have a guy waiting there, looking like he put more effort into his apperance than merely grabbing the first clean tshirt he saw in his closet because I'm know that I have put in the effort.  (In my mind's eye, he's wearing nice jeans and one of those light blue checkered dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up-who doesn't like rolled up sleeves on a guy?- Also, he looks vaguely like Josh Duhamel.)
3.) Has a good sense of humor and is not a prude. I consider myself as having a pretty good sense of humor. I love to make people laugh and I love laughing. If he can't make me laugh, it's probably not going to happen. Let me rephrase that. If he can't make me laugh naturally- as in he's not trying to hard to be funny but he just in naturally. If someone it trying to consciencly be funny, odds are, they are not at all.
4.) He needs to be a geek. I am apart of quite a few geek fanbases and, though he doesn't have to be apart of any of mine, I at least want someone who understand the excitement or utter saddness (oh Dobby ) I feel when something happens in the book/movie/TV show/video game. This also means that he doens't think I'm mentally unstable when I want to dress up like Ginny Weasley, pygmy puff and all, for Halloween, or if I want to throw a crazy Star Wars party or go see the midnight release of some comic book movie.
5.) Someone who is musically inclined. I usually date musicians of some sort (2 out of 3). I don't know if this is just a happy coincedent or because my attraction for musicians is written into my DNA, it just happens.
6.) Someone who makes me feel loved and wanted all of the time. It sad that I feel the need to put this on my checklist but I have actually been in a relationship where, after a while, I didn't know if he like me or not. How crazy is that? I'm your girlfriend but I don't know if you still like me, even a little. Now, I don't need/want huge romantic gestures everyday, but a simple text of "thinking of you" or "can't wait to see you" isn't too much to ask? Is it?
7.)Someone who knows how to kiss. 'Nuff said.
8.) I want a guy who holds off on the 'I love you'. Most girls wait and wait to hear these three little magic words. Somehow though, in my own experience, I hear them within the first month. And then, when they leave, it hurts that much more. I don't know why these guys like throwing these words at me and, furthermore, why I say them back. I'm not sure I know what that type of love is yet and I'm almost 24. If really makes me worry about all of the teenagers that are getting married. Do they know some secret that has yet made itself known to me?  

So, that's my checklist. Shallow? Probably. Impossible? Most likely.

Now, I know that you are probably all wondering if Hiliary Duff found her perfect man. Well, spoiler alert, she did. And what was his rating on her 'magic man' checklist. A big, fat zero. Yes, despite all of her ideals, she fell for the guy that has none of them.
Maybe this is to be a moral to us. No matter how hard we look for the ideal one, who has all of the attributes we want and none of flaws we tend to avoid, we may fall in love with the most unlikely character. These checklists can only really be guidelines, they can never be rules because love doens't work that way-from what I have gathered and sometimes, not always but sometimes, we find someone who makes us want to throw the rules out the window.

Catherine