Don't Worry Baby...

In the summer of 1964, legendary rock/pop,California surf boy icons the Beach Boys released a song titled, "Don't Worry Baby." Through my life, I have heard this song countless times- more notably as the ending ballad to Drew Barrymore's Never Been Kissed, a fairy tale, feel good movie if there ever was one. This past spring, while studying for the Cell Bio final from the underworld, this very same song popped up on my Pandora stream and was instantly in love.I don't know if it was because I was laying outside, trying to sun kiss my inherited fair Viking, British skin and it reminded me of summer time or it reminded me of my youth, but I was soon hooked on the songs three verses and catchy chorus.

The other day, while jamming out in my car to this very tune- it hit me. I love this song most of all for what it's trying to say in the three verses and catchy chorus. Here I was, listening shallowly to the ridculously good harmony (those boys had their act together-literally) that I missed the point of the song- don't worry baby. Whether this point was intended or not, the lyrics were and are very substantial. Don't believe me? Read the lyrics of the chorus for yourself.

But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright



"Don't worry baby." The Beach Boys decided to repeat this phrase 18 times in this song, sometimes followed with the words of comfort- "everything will turn out alright". And I realized what drew me to this song. It wasn't the catchy tune or melodious harmony- it was the simple message to ease my anxiety.




Who all of us here suffer from some sort of anxiety? My hand shot straight up, how about yours? Every day we are faced with something that worries us, whether is be grades, relationships, the state of the country, your mortgage, your job or even the cliffhanger from you favorite T.V. show. Many sleepless nights had occured over the simple fact that we can't get whatever worries us out of our heads.

In the past I have had many sleepless nights like this, most a result from school. "Did we have homework?" "What if I did the wrong assignment?" "I accidentally saw someone else's paper- does that mean that I cheated?" I can remember all of those little meaningless questions keeping me up for hours into the night. Luckily though, I have an understanding mother who would calm my active conscience and assure me that "everything will turn out alright."

Now, that I'm an adult, my worries have changed to- "I hope I get into the grad school I want" and "What if I never get married?" followed closely by "What if I never have kids?"

My worries may seem like trivial things to you- but they are big thing to me and have, sadly enough, brought me to tears on more than one occasion. But, that's when I need to remember the comforting words of the Beach Boys- don't worry baby, everything will turn out alright.

Still not comforted? How about these words from Matthew 6:34?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Or Luke 12:22

"Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on"



Now, don't go around telling everyone that I have said that all we have to do is lay back and everything God will handle everything. He still expects us to do what it needed to ease these worries. If I want to get into a certain Grad school- then I have to study hard and take the GRE. Divine intervention won't get me into school- I have to make an effort.

Or, if I guy that I'm interested in rejects me- which, despite my good looks and charming personality, happens (That's sarcasm for those of you who didn't pick up on that)- it doesn't mean that I am a witless and dull, ogre-like looking woman. It just means that he's not he right one or it's not the right time and props to me for even taking the initiative and putting myself out there-something I'm often to scared to do.




What I am really trying to say is, if you do everything you are suppose to do, don't worry about things you have no control over. As long as you have done everything you need to succeed, whether it be in school or relationships or life in general, don't worry about the outcome. Just place your trust in God's hands. And don't worry if they don't work out in a way that you want them to. Paul wrote in Rom. 8:28 " And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" There is a reason why things work out the way that they do- and we are definitely not wise enough to understand God's purpose in every single decision. But, how many times have you looked back on a past even in you life that maybe didn't work out the way you wanted and saw God's blessings in it? In the meme world, we would say "I see what you did there".




I'm really preaching to myself in this but hopefully someone else will take some comfort out of it.



So, the next time you are worried, whether it be tomorrow or a year from now, just remember- don't worry baby, everything will turn out all right.




Lots of love,

Catherine

24 things for my 24th

Well, here it is, my 24th birthday. Was I excited about turning one year older? Yes, very much so. I celebrate my birthday like a national holiday- no school, no work (if I can swing it), wonderful food and, of course, CAKE. Cake, the dessert that ties the world together. 
 So, in celebration of my 24th birthday, I am going to compose a list of 24 things I have learned in 24 years.

1.)If Mom says that it's hot, it's hot. How many of us have scars from touching a hot stove, iron, oven, etc.? Curiosity can be your best friend and worst nightmare leaving permanent scars and many tears in its wake. But Mothers,Moms, Momma, and Mommies really do know best so always listen to your mother, not matter how old you are, she only wants to best for you.
2.) Don't stick you paci in bird bath. Yes, I did this a the ripe old age of 1 and it was, luckily, caught on film perserve it for years to come. It was probably the grossest thing I have ever done and I probably have some strange strand of bird flu running through me like a ticking time bomb.
3.) Don't kiss two boys in one day. You will get caught by your kindergarten teacher and told on to your mother.
4.)Grape medicine does not taste anything like grape. Cherry medicine does not taste anythign like cherry. But, surprisingly, liquid amoxicillin taste like bubble gum.
5.) Enjoy your grandparents to the fullest while you have them. Unfortunatley, one of my Grandfather's was taken by a freak accident when I was 10 years old and he never got to see the woman I have become, though I hope that I would have made him proud. Two years ago, my grandmother was taken suddenly by sickness. Even on her death bed, though I didn't know if she could hear me or not, but because I never got to tell my PawPaw, I told her everything I never said- how much she meant to me, how much she shaped me into the woman I am and, most of all, how much I love and respected her. Now, I live so that I might one day see them again.
6.) Smile often, you worst day would be many other's best day.
7.) If you beg your parents long enough for a sister, you will evetually get one. Well, at least it worked on my parents. At the age of 16 (though I had been begging since the age of 6- my baby brother wasn't cutting it) my parent's offically adopted my little sister from China. I couldn't imagine my life not with out this little spark of joy and craziness.
8.) Make time for alone time with yourself. Now, don't get me wrong, I love talking to and being around people, but some of my favortie nights involved me going to Starbucks in my home town with my computer in tow and spending hours sipping on coffee and spending alone time. It's important to make time for yourself- it keeps you sane.
9.) Despite the fact that they are, most of the time, impractical and illogical, continue believing in fairy tales. Yes, I am well aware fairy tales are the product of the Grimm brother's vivid imaginations or John Hughes creative writing. But they do supply us with a healthy dose of hope that many of us, me especially, need. If this were a John Hughes movie, my greatest would have come true today. I would have arrived home to find the love of my life leaning casually against his car while a Thompson Twins ballad played in the background. Did that happen? Of course not. But that little inkling of hope that it might left a smile on my face. 
10.) Read. Reading is the gateway to the world. I started reading for fun at the age of 13 and I haven't stopped yet. 
11.) Set realistic goals...but not just realistic goals. What are my goals: To graduate undergrad-finally-, grad school, get married , have kids, and work as a PA. What are my unrealistic goal(s): to be a published writer. Yes, my grammar is horrible and my spelling atrocious- but I have always wanted to be publish ever since I started making up stories in my head at the age of 5,(Little fun fact- the stories always involved a horse named Rose) and maybe one day I will me.
12.) You reap what you sow- so don't give half of the effort. 
13.)Posting vague and sappy lyrics on your Facebook is stupid way to try to get some poor guys attention. I am guilty of doing this, many, many times in fact. Did it work? Of course not because then I would be married and expecting my first child by now. Will I do it again? Probably- but this time I'll do it on twitter.
14.) "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." Oh Sirius, why did you have to fall through the veil. (Spoiler alert if you haven't read or seen the 5th Harry Potter book/movie) But Sirius is right. Kindness against other should not be determined by their status in life, whether it be financial, physical and mental. The Golden rule says to do to other what you want others to do to you. No, that does not mean that you have agree with their viewpoint or life style, but you must treat them with the respect they deserve as a fellow human being. Now, because you disagree with their lifestyle or view point, they may act harsh and mean towards you- just turn the other cheek. 
15.) Don't accidentally open your mouth while kissing your boyfriend unless you are mentally prepared for what follows.
16.) Be unique. If everyone was the same, the world would be boring. 
17.) Never be ashamed of you strangest likes. Years ago, I didn't want anyone to know that I like Harry Potter to an extent that was probably borderline psychotic and that I read (and wrote) fan-fiction. Now, who cares? I still love Harry Potter and have added many more loves to that list and some of theme are a lot nerdier and geekier that good ole HP. 
18.) Cherish the time you spend with you family. I used to hate sitting down with my family to eat dinner some nights, I could have been reading or watching sometime instead of having "family time". Now that we are older, it's a rare thing for us to all come together for a meal without it being a major holiday. That is why I have come to cherish our family vacations each year. It's more that just going to Disney- it's spending time with (most of) my family without any interruptions or distractions. 
19.) Really clean glass doors look nearly invisible. Therefore, always pay attention when walking into a strange house and check for a second door before you walk straight into it. Just saying.
20.) Play pranks. Now, I'm not encouraging vandalism or other misdemeanors, but go post it note a car or roll a house. Some of my best nights in high school involved me and my girlfriends driving over to our favorite guys' houses and plastic wrapping and post-it noting their cars. (Editor's Note: From my personal experience, I do not recommend doing this in freezing rain.) As long as the pranks are harmless and easy to clean up, some of the best ways to show people how much you love them is by girling out their car. 
21.) Always stand for the right, no matter how many are against you. Now, I know that you are probably thinking "Duh, Catherine, everyone knows that." But . have you ever had to do it? Have you ever lost a friendship because they wanted to do someone that you knew wasn't right? I have and it's hard to stand in the light while the darkness creeps around you. Stand strong and steadfast in your faith and remember, it's okay if you offend someone- that means that you have morals. 
22.) British guys are hot. I don't know if its that accent or just their adorable little faces, but they are just hot. 
23.) "Men, babies, it doesn't matter. We're soulmates." This famous quote from Sex and the City has meant a lot to me since I heard it for the first time a few years ago. My friends are my soulmates. I am luckily that I have 5 wonderful girlfriends that I can could on for anything- and I actually got to see them all today.  Distance may separate us, but I know that if I am having a bad day, they are just a phone call away with an encouraging word or joke to ease my troubled mind. One day, I may find my male soulmate and, fingers crossed, their will be babies. But, until them, I'm happy with the soulmates that I have. 
24.) Cheesy as it sounds, love conquers all. Tonight, I watched my favorite Disney movie of all time: Sleeping Beauty.  And when Prince Phillip leaned into kiss his sleeping princess, a tear welled up in my eye. No, this won't happen in real life- or coma wards would be full of people trying to wake up their love ones with a kiss. But, love can break the spell of hate and discord. Love has been here since the very beginning and will be here till the very end. Love is what we all strive for in our lives. Leonardo da Vinci said that a "life without love, is no life at all."  Yes, that is true, but I think I prefer what Paul wrote about love. 

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing---
 ⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.." 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3, 8

I hope you have enjoyed my list of the 24 things I have learned by the age of 24. I hope it made you laugh and inspired you in some way- as long as it doesn't inspire you to do anything too crazy. 

I look forward to my new year and all it would bring. 

Love,
Catherine

Checklists: Good ideas or impossible standards?

Last night, I watch a movie. Of course, movie watching is not uncommon for me but what was out of the ordinary was that it was a made-for-TV movie. I usually don't like those. I mean, when was the last time Ryan Gosling was in a made-for-TV movie? The plots are usually predictable. the acting sub par and there is-usually- a lack in the hottie department. However, boredom and a desire to relax (and hopefully fall asleep) induced my viewing of Beauty and the Briefcase.
Beauty and the Briefcase stars Hiliary Duff probably better known as the Disney sweetheart star of Lizzie McGuire. I used to LOVE watching Lizzie McGuire. She was a spunky teen who self-narrated her life and got to kiss Aaron Carter- which was my life goal at 13. Hiliary Duff's character was Lane, a up and coming fashion writer wannabe who desperately wanted a byline in Cosmo. (the greatest magazine ever) Fate drops an opportunity in her lap and she meets with a Cosmo editor who, though initial rejecting all of her article pitches, agrees to let her write an undercover article of dating in the business world. For this article, Lane is supposed to find a guy in a suit who meets the criteria of her "magic man checklist".
Here's the list, it's out of order and msising a few,but you get the gist:
3. Spontaneous
2. Sexy Accent
7. Travels to exotic locations on a whim
4. Fashion Sense
8. Plays a sexy musical instrument
9. Witty statements on the tip of his tongue
6. Same taste in food
1. Puts passion above common sense
(Thanks to google.)

While I was watching this movie, I began to wonder...Do I have a list? Sure, there are things I like and disslike when it comes to dating and men, but could I sit down and write a checklist for my ideal guy? Would mine be as shallow? (Yes I think ^ one is a little shallow)
Well, I love a good challenge so here is my attempt at writing out my own checklist.

1.) Smart. I tend to be more attracted towards men in the math/science field. I think a smart mind it a sexy mind. My ideal type of man would be either a doctor or engineer. Doctor because what is sexier than saving lives and engineer because they can make things and they are ridculously useful to have around the house, especially if you have my track record with cars. (I'll save those little nuggets od happiness for another day...stupid cars.) Now, my preferences may all be linked to my love for the math and science field but I just really want someone that, at the end of the day when I as "How was your day today, honey?", I can understand and enjoy to listen to. Do they have to be a doctor or engineer? No and if I ever do get married they, most likely they won't but hey, a girl can dream.  
2.) They HAVE to know how to dress themselves. Now, if I showed pictures of my ex-boyfriends right here, you would wonder why this is one my list since I have never dated a guy with any type of fashion sense. In fact, they all three (yes, just three, by Samatha Jones standard I'm a loser) dressed EXACTLY the same: carpenter jeans (yuck), faded t-shirts that were either too big or, in one case, too small (though I didn't mind), ugly worn New Balance shoes that they wear practically every day (one wore the same part of adias EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere, even to church.) If these guys ever dressed up- like, for church- it was usually a oversize/undersize polo pair with the same jeans or cargo pants and the same tennis shoes. This is going to sound so snobbish but I hated the way they all dressed. Would reading a label kill them? They would all have looked 100% better if their clothes had just fit. And dressing nice. What was up with their adversion to dress shirts and nice slacks?
(Editor's Note: Well, I've seen pictures of one recently and he has definitely made progresss since our time together-he looked HOT! and was wearing a suit.)
Now, I said that they had to know how to dress themselves which means: they now the right sizes to buy and they know which brands they look best in (like how I prefer Gap jeans over Aero because Gap covers my butt better) and they know what to wear for certain occasions, like dates, church, other important occasions where a t-shirt and jeans just won't cut it. And, no, I don't hate t-shirts and jeans. In my closet I have quite a collection of t-shirts, ranging from novelty to college team (Go Illini!) and I love wearing them. I just want to open my door for a first date and have a guy waiting there, looking like he put more effort into his apperance than merely grabbing the first clean tshirt he saw in his closet because I'm know that I have put in the effort.  (In my mind's eye, he's wearing nice jeans and one of those light blue checkered dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up-who doesn't like rolled up sleeves on a guy?- Also, he looks vaguely like Josh Duhamel.)
3.) Has a good sense of humor and is not a prude. I consider myself as having a pretty good sense of humor. I love to make people laugh and I love laughing. If he can't make me laugh, it's probably not going to happen. Let me rephrase that. If he can't make me laugh naturally- as in he's not trying to hard to be funny but he just in naturally. If someone it trying to consciencly be funny, odds are, they are not at all.
4.) He needs to be a geek. I am apart of quite a few geek fanbases and, though he doesn't have to be apart of any of mine, I at least want someone who understand the excitement or utter saddness (oh Dobby ) I feel when something happens in the book/movie/TV show/video game. This also means that he doens't think I'm mentally unstable when I want to dress up like Ginny Weasley, pygmy puff and all, for Halloween, or if I want to throw a crazy Star Wars party or go see the midnight release of some comic book movie.
5.) Someone who is musically inclined. I usually date musicians of some sort (2 out of 3). I don't know if this is just a happy coincedent or because my attraction for musicians is written into my DNA, it just happens.
6.) Someone who makes me feel loved and wanted all of the time. It sad that I feel the need to put this on my checklist but I have actually been in a relationship where, after a while, I didn't know if he like me or not. How crazy is that? I'm your girlfriend but I don't know if you still like me, even a little. Now, I don't need/want huge romantic gestures everyday, but a simple text of "thinking of you" or "can't wait to see you" isn't too much to ask? Is it?
7.)Someone who knows how to kiss. 'Nuff said.
8.) I want a guy who holds off on the 'I love you'. Most girls wait and wait to hear these three little magic words. Somehow though, in my own experience, I hear them within the first month. And then, when they leave, it hurts that much more. I don't know why these guys like throwing these words at me and, furthermore, why I say them back. I'm not sure I know what that type of love is yet and I'm almost 24. If really makes me worry about all of the teenagers that are getting married. Do they know some secret that has yet made itself known to me?  

So, that's my checklist. Shallow? Probably. Impossible? Most likely.

Now, I know that you are probably all wondering if Hiliary Duff found her perfect man. Well, spoiler alert, she did. And what was his rating on her 'magic man' checklist. A big, fat zero. Yes, despite all of her ideals, she fell for the guy that has none of them.
Maybe this is to be a moral to us. No matter how hard we look for the ideal one, who has all of the attributes we want and none of flaws we tend to avoid, we may fall in love with the most unlikely character. These checklists can only really be guidelines, they can never be rules because love doens't work that way-from what I have gathered and sometimes, not always but sometimes, we find someone who makes us want to throw the rules out the window.

Catherine

Just call me the cookie monster...

I am ashamed of how many cookies I ate last night. Ashamed. I even topped one off with a dollop of peanut butter. It's amazing how my self control can instantly waver if someone brings freshly baked- these ain't no Chips Ahoy- chocolate chip cookies into the house. It's like I'm superman(Henry Cavill as Superman, next week--I might actually die of happiness) and they are ooey, gooey kryptonite goodness. 

Now, you might be wondering "Hey, crazy, why are you worried about a few (8) cookies?"
You see,concerned reader. every since puberty hit like two ton truck, I have struggled with my weight. Not because I live on a diet of sugary soft drink, heavy cream and lard, but because fate through me a little monkey wretch called genetics. Change what you will about your lifestyle, but genetics can't be changed. And, despite the attempts in the medical world to do so, I doubt that any scientist will find a way to rewrite our genetic code.Now, I could go into a great detail about why I think these things and I could throw out words like nucleotides, chromosomes and alleles and most of you would probably think that I have been "taking to the sherry".( <--- I learned that phrase from a movie I watched last night. Editor's Note: Though of legal age, I don't drink. Voluntarily disorientating my mind is not high on my to do list. What is you ask? Graduation from college and grad school, becoming a mother, traveling the world-especially England and Australian just for their male population, becoming a Time Lord's companion and ultimately, going to Hogwarts, just to name a few) For a few years now, I have tried to fight against my genetics (my Dad has actually apologized, more than once, for cursing me with the same genes he had fought against his whole life) and poorer eating habits of my youth to achieve a body that I'm proud of.

My weight loss journey began a little over three years ago. I was probably pushing 160, though I wouldn't step on a scale for the life of me, and considered overweight by my petite height. Yep, that's what being petite gets you, it gets you fat. That topped with what I jokingly refer to as the metabolism of an 80 year old created a person I hated facing in the mirror every morning. So, finally at the ripe old age of 20, I got fed up and began doing something about it. First, I stopped drinking cokes (pop or soda to the Northerners), including diet and I started drinking green tea everyday for my caffeine fix, (Catherine without caffeine= Sauron without the ring) Then, I started eating better..not perfect, but better and exercising regularly. And how much weigh did these life alterations lose me? Give or take 5 pounds. Who would be frustrated, because I know that I was.

Then here came the holiday season. Say what you will about my commitment but I don't believe in diets during the holidays. I am filled up with too much Christmas spirit and turkey to care. But after the holidays, when the ham, turkey, cookies and whatever figgy pudding is gone, it's time for New Years and the traditional New Year's resolution of the masses: to lose weigh. So,  I got a gym membership and ignorantly started counting calories. I say ignorantly because of this little unknown fact. An adult woman needs at least 1200 for normal bodily function. How much was I eating per day? Around 800. That combined with the gym time I was putting in left me about 300 calories for my body to function off of. I was literally, unintentionally starving myself but I was dropping pounds fast. In a total of about 3 months (that is a rough estimate) I had lost around 30 pounds, which was great for me at least, I could wear a dress I wore at age 13. (Granted the dress was a size 8, but I was fairly average size really until I was 15.) And the kicker came when I went short shopping for vacation that May. I put on a size 6 pair of shorts! I had never been happier. I had finally squeeze by busted can of biscuits butt into a size that seemed normal.
But, like all good things, it had to come to an end and mine certainly did. Later that summer, after my vacation in May, I became a full time employee at the daycare I worked at and gone were the days of my avid gym going. I would still eat fairly well, but I wasn't eating my usually 800 calories a day diet because I was happy with my weight then- and I had a boyfriend then and we went out a lot.
Do you know what happens when you are technically starving yourself and then you fudge just a little bit on your diet? You gain weight quickly because your body is trying to store up in case you start "starving" yourself again. By the end of the summer, my size 6 shorts were cutting off circulation.
I tried dieting again that fall which was basically taking any diet pill that guarantee results, but I saw little if any. Fast forward two years and I was still the same size as I was a few years before, not quite as big as when I began my "weigh loss journey", I would fluctuate between an 8 and 10, but I was never satisfied. I had tried a few attempts to lose weigh again, I even had surgery (and was told that I would probably lose 10-15 pounds as a result of not eating) and nothing happen. So, last spring, fed up again and fueled by a bet between my Dad and myself, I began to lose weight again. And, since I apparently never learn, I tried losing the same way as I had done a couple years earlier. Eating barely 1200 calories a day and burning of 700 calories per gym session. You do the math. I was usually dropping 2 pounds a week, good for most people but bad from someone who is just chunky. And eventually I could get into my little size 6 shorts and jeans and I was happy again. I was even going to win our bet, until I became too busy to work out and discovered Nutella. That's when I spiraled backwards again. By the time my summer vacation rolled around, I couldn't fit into the little size 6 shorts that I was bought just for it. Well, I could, but that was only after stretching them out for hours and, even then, they weren't comfortable. If I had been upset the first time, I was devastated this time. I lost all hope that I would ever be happy in my own skin.Sometime that fall, I stupidly decided to step on a scale one day to see if my mental of myself was just a figment of my imagination. But when that scale read 156- I nearly cried. It was almost if I was back where I started.
So, this year, I started trying to lose weigh again. But I was determined to do it differently this time. Instead of basically starving myself and killing myself at the gym, I would do in the smart way. I researched the right way online and even downloaded an iPhone app to help. (I use calorie counter and I love it) I am glad to report that I have lost 12 pounds since February giving me a weigh of 134 (now, if you at home are trying to do the math, my starting weight was 146, not 156 as it was up there ^, now where those 10 pounds went, I don't know and I don't care as long as they stay gone) and I am comfortably typing this in my size 6 jeans that "skinny me" bought last summer and that I can feel my feet in my previously constricted shorts. (The key is whether or not I'll get into my favorite size 6 yellow dress this Sunday, fingers crossed)
Now, why am I sharing this with the world? Well, because it's my blog and I felt like sharing it. But more importantly, I want to share it to all of those who have ever been in my shoes and know the struggle I have felt or have done like me and have lost the weight only to gain it back with a vengeance.  The ongoing struggle with my weight is one of my biggest vulnerabilities and I rarely like to talk about it outside of my family and close friends. However, if my story can bring hope to one person, it will all be worth it. Maybe even now,  somewhere out there is cyber space, someone is where I use to be and is trying to start their own weight loss story. Whoever you are, I hope that my story, which is continuing every day, encourages you like others have done to me.
Catherine 

"And I'll be shooting for my own hand." 

Have you seen the Disney/Pixar movie Brave? It came out last summer, on my birthday to boot, and I knew from the first trailer that I was going to love Disney's next princess installment. You see, Merida, the "Brave Princess", isn't like the normal Princesses that grace the cover of anything from backpacks to fruit gummies. Why, you ask. Well, here's a brief synopsis of her movie to set the stage for my blog post today.
Merida is the princess of Scotland-well, I guess that's what she is though the specifics of Scotish monarchy aren't really necessary to make my point- and her mother is trying to raise her to be everything a princess is supposed to be: elegant, refine, poised. Merida, however, is more concern with riding her horse and shooting her bow, very un-princess like things. 
 The leaders of the other clans come to her castle to offer up their sons as future husbands to this very un-princess like princess. (The part where Merida literally sits up and takes notice of what could possible be considered as the animated representation of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson reminds me so much of myself.) Unfortunately, the sons are less than to be desirable in Merida's eyes, but her husband is to be determined from these young men in the Highland games. As fate would have it, Merida get's to choose the game that will determine her marital fate- she chooses archery. The day of the competition arrives and each prospect tries to win themselves a princess, showing their true character in the process. Now, here's my favorite part. Merida, not keen on letting her fate be determined by a hitting a mark, strolls out on the field, rips apart her dress her mother had her laced up in (this was problem allegorical to breaking the bondage of women or something like that),  lets down her wicked red, curly hair that I am so jealous about and, in pure Scottish accen, yells, "I am Merida and I'll be shooting for my own hand."
That line literally sends chills up my spine. This is a girl that took control of her on destiny. This is a girl that wouldn't rely on a man to make her happy or feel wanted. This is the type of girl, I believe, we need more today. 
I am not a feminism, by no means. I prefer my bras unburnt. But, I greatly admire Merida and  her strength. Women do not need men to determine their self worth. This is a concept that I have tried to instill and myself and I think, over the pass few years, I have finally done that. I think that so many girls/women have one goal in life today- and that is to get married whether they have found "the one" or not. I think sometimes it's just because the think that they have to get married---like it some obligation that they have to fill. I had a friend who I thought, at times, only wanted to get married because all of her friends were married and so that she could move out of her parents house. Hey, I would get married for the latter reason. But that is not the way to look at marriage. 
Okay, I actually wasn't planning on getting on the marriage soapbox. My initial thoughts on this movie were far from that. I like Merida because she takes control of her own destiny. One of my own personal mottos is "Sometimes, you just have to do it yourself." Now, I know that it seems cynical, but it as applied to so many aspects in my life. You can always rely on others to do everything for you or for things to just happen on there own. Guess what? It doesn't  happen like that. If you want something, go out and get it. Don't wait on someone else to do it for you. 
I have always wanted to be a mother. When I was in Kindergarten and the teacher asked us to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up, I always drew myself as a mommy. Skip a decade ahead and my fifteen year old self was certain by the age that  am now that I would be married and be ready to have my first child. Has life worked out like that? Absolutely not. And, though I do want to get married and desperately want a child there is one think that I know for certain, that my future of being a wife is NOT certain. No, this isn't me looking for pity or reassurance or simply wanting attention. This is the truth. I may not ever get married, but that shouldn't stop me from being a mother if I want to be one. Now, before heart attacks are had, no I'm not planning to get myself knocked- up. But, I am seriously considering adoption. 
This is the type of independence that young women need to have. The first college that I attended had a running joke about the young women that would attend there- "Oh, she's just here to get her degree in M.R.S." Really, that's a joke because I thing that it is a horrible notion. "I'm only here to find someone to take care of me and I have no aspirations to make anything of my life" - that's probably a gross over exaggeration of it but that is what I hear. What, I ask then, is the back up plan if you don't get married? Or your husband dies or, worse, leaves you? Your degree in M.R.S. won't get you anywhere then. That's why I want to encourage all young women to go to college, get a degree, rent an apartment or buy a house, pay bills and learn how to budget yourself. Become self sufficient in some way (I can't ever say that I have done all of those things) before you join your life with another. Follow in the words of Destiny's Child and be Miss Independent. It's okay if you are, no one will look down on you or pity you unless you let them. Be confident. We can be anything we want to be, in society that is. We can be doctors, lawyers, politicians, coaches, engineers, web designers, business owners, hey- we can be superheroes. I implore you to never tie your self worth to your relationship status like I have. You are defined as the individual that you are. Be strong like Merida, shoot for your own hand until you find someone worthy enough to shoot for it.

"It does not do  to dwell on dreams and forget to live."- Dumbledore

In the past, I have often thought about this very quote. You see, I have very vivid dreams and can, more times that not, remember them for quite a while afterwards. This can be both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing when I have a humorous dream or a dream about a physically appealing celebrity (Taylor Launter, I'm looking at you *wink*) but when the dreams are manifest of the my deepest desires that even I don't want to admit, that's when they become my personal nightmares. This, unfortunately happen last night. Of course, I had a dream about a guy, two guys to be exact. Does that make me a dream player? Anyway, these guys are the only two guys I have had any real interest in over the past year. In my dream, I just wanted to spend time with them, one much more than the other, but I was unofficially rejected by both. Yeah, that makes a girl feel good. 

Now, we have probably all been rejected by a interest one time or another. It's all part of the human experience. And what do we all do when we feel the sting of rejection? We run to our friends and air our grievances. ("I got a lot of problems with you people!" Score one for Seinfield quotes.) And what do our, in my cause, girlfriends offer to console our hurt feelings. It's the same phrases each time. "He doesn't know what he's missing" followed closely by "You can do so much better." Have you ever thought about those phrases?

Let me break it down for you. 

First, "He doesn't know what he is missing." This phrase has been offered up as comfort by women from every walks of life for years, an episode of Sex and the City can confirm that. As women, we want to rationalize that he is missing out on the greater good when, in my own experience, I have found it quite the opposite. I am the one who want the relationship with this guy and so I know what I will be missing. But, the same goes for the guy. Unless you have actually live the Carle Rae Jaspen song "Call me maybe", the guy has known you for a while, probably has your number and it's not crazy. What I'm a trying to say through that weak analogy is that he knows what you are like, he knows your charm, wit, your personality as a whole and he is choosing not to pursue a relationship with you. In other words, he knows what he is missing. This is a hard truth in life, when a guy you fancy doesn't want you, believe me, I get that. 

Now the second bowl of realistic soup for the soul, "You can do so much better." Someone somewhere once said "The heart wants what the heart wants." Could this be any truer? How many of us have been hung up on the same guy for 5 years? 10 years? Guilty as charged right here, and unfortunately with the latter amount of time.  And no matter who comes and goes, you still want this person, despite their flaws and shortcomings. Its almost like we develop guy specific amnesia. Last night, in my dream, I just text my "That guy" (I know, so romantic) to no avail but, what did I do when I woke up this morning? Stalked his facebook on my phone. I am ashamed of myself since I purposely hide it from my newsfeed to stop this from happening. We all see how well that worked. So, what's my whole point in this. You want who you want. It doesn't matter if you could do better because ,with that person, you believe that you will be happiest. You just want to be on this persons radar, for them to spare a passing thought for you. Most likely though, he doesn't care...at all. If he did, he would text or call or communicate with you in some way or the other. And every time my girlfriend offer me this consolation I just want to scream "I don't want anyone else, I want him." If I wanted someone else, wouldn't I go after them? It's a viscous cycle of disappointment and heartache, like rollercoaster that makes you sick but you still get on for the 30 seconds of thrill. 

So, now that I think I have ripped apart these over offered words of "comfort" what should we tell out girlfriends, or guy friends, when their heart's hopes are shattered? How about the simple "maybe God has someone different in mind for you" or "maybe he's just not that into you". One is hopeful and the other, just basic truth. If he doesn't want you, that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you,  or him, maybe you just don't belong together. He may be your Romeo,but maybe you aren't his Juliet....okay bad example. Maybe he is you Benedick but you are not is Beatrice. (If you haven't read or seen Much Ado About Nothing, I highly recommend it. Go Shakespeare!) And, if you have a "That guy" or "That girl", go try to find someone who makes you forget ALL about them. Find someone who makes your heart sing, who makes everyday and adventure, who fills your heart with so much happiness and love that you half hope it burst. Find your Benedick, your Romeo (without the dying part), your Prince Charming. Find someone who makes your stomach tie up in knots and who's kisses curl you toes. Believe me, I know this is hard. I almost feel like a hypocrite telling you to do all of this when I don't know if I can do it myself. But, I'll try if you will try. Who knows what will happen. 

Catherine