"It does not do  to dwell on dreams and forget to live."- Dumbledore

In the past, I have often thought about this very quote. You see, I have very vivid dreams and can, more times that not, remember them for quite a while afterwards. This can be both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing when I have a humorous dream or a dream about a physically appealing celebrity (Taylor Launter, I'm looking at you *wink*) but when the dreams are manifest of the my deepest desires that even I don't want to admit, that's when they become my personal nightmares. This, unfortunately happen last night. Of course, I had a dream about a guy, two guys to be exact. Does that make me a dream player? Anyway, these guys are the only two guys I have had any real interest in over the past year. In my dream, I just wanted to spend time with them, one much more than the other, but I was unofficially rejected by both. Yeah, that makes a girl feel good. 

Now, we have probably all been rejected by a interest one time or another. It's all part of the human experience. And what do we all do when we feel the sting of rejection? We run to our friends and air our grievances. ("I got a lot of problems with you people!" Score one for Seinfield quotes.) And what do our, in my cause, girlfriends offer to console our hurt feelings. It's the same phrases each time. "He doesn't know what he's missing" followed closely by "You can do so much better." Have you ever thought about those phrases?

Let me break it down for you. 

First, "He doesn't know what he is missing." This phrase has been offered up as comfort by women from every walks of life for years, an episode of Sex and the City can confirm that. As women, we want to rationalize that he is missing out on the greater good when, in my own experience, I have found it quite the opposite. I am the one who want the relationship with this guy and so I know what I will be missing. But, the same goes for the guy. Unless you have actually live the Carle Rae Jaspen song "Call me maybe", the guy has known you for a while, probably has your number and it's not crazy. What I'm a trying to say through that weak analogy is that he knows what you are like, he knows your charm, wit, your personality as a whole and he is choosing not to pursue a relationship with you. In other words, he knows what he is missing. This is a hard truth in life, when a guy you fancy doesn't want you, believe me, I get that. 

Now the second bowl of realistic soup for the soul, "You can do so much better." Someone somewhere once said "The heart wants what the heart wants." Could this be any truer? How many of us have been hung up on the same guy for 5 years? 10 years? Guilty as charged right here, and unfortunately with the latter amount of time.  And no matter who comes and goes, you still want this person, despite their flaws and shortcomings. Its almost like we develop guy specific amnesia. Last night, in my dream, I just text my "That guy" (I know, so romantic) to no avail but, what did I do when I woke up this morning? Stalked his facebook on my phone. I am ashamed of myself since I purposely hide it from my newsfeed to stop this from happening. We all see how well that worked. So, what's my whole point in this. You want who you want. It doesn't matter if you could do better because ,with that person, you believe that you will be happiest. You just want to be on this persons radar, for them to spare a passing thought for you. Most likely though, he doesn't care...at all. If he did, he would text or call or communicate with you in some way or the other. And every time my girlfriend offer me this consolation I just want to scream "I don't want anyone else, I want him." If I wanted someone else, wouldn't I go after them? It's a viscous cycle of disappointment and heartache, like rollercoaster that makes you sick but you still get on for the 30 seconds of thrill. 

So, now that I think I have ripped apart these over offered words of "comfort" what should we tell out girlfriends, or guy friends, when their heart's hopes are shattered? How about the simple "maybe God has someone different in mind for you" or "maybe he's just not that into you". One is hopeful and the other, just basic truth. If he doesn't want you, that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you,  or him, maybe you just don't belong together. He may be your Romeo,but maybe you aren't his Juliet....okay bad example. Maybe he is you Benedick but you are not is Beatrice. (If you haven't read or seen Much Ado About Nothing, I highly recommend it. Go Shakespeare!) And, if you have a "That guy" or "That girl", go try to find someone who makes you forget ALL about them. Find someone who makes your heart sing, who makes everyday and adventure, who fills your heart with so much happiness and love that you half hope it burst. Find your Benedick, your Romeo (without the dying part), your Prince Charming. Find someone who makes your stomach tie up in knots and who's kisses curl you toes. Believe me, I know this is hard. I almost feel like a hypocrite telling you to do all of this when I don't know if I can do it myself. But, I'll try if you will try. Who knows what will happen. 

Catherine