My Love Affair with Makeup:

Hello lovelies! I am back from my unexpected hiatus.  Lucky for me, all of my professors this semester decided that my exams were best scheduled two at a time with no breaks! Yay! I honestly don't know how my mind has survive until now. However, I think that the worst is over now so you will be hearing a lot more from me. I know, I know- you're excited but please, try to contain yourself.

So, I have made an executive decision about my blog. So far I have written about my poor attempts at finding love, my favorite men and a little on my favorite fandoms. But, from now on, I think I am going to switch gears on my little pink blog and actually swerve into the beauty lane. Yes, this will partly be a beauty blog. Now, of course I will still have my hot men rants and Disney post and funny stories regarding my life and the life of those around me, but I will also be dealing out my knowledge and tips I've learned regarding makeup, hair, skincare and fashion. I super excited about this because I love all things girly as well as all things nerdy! So, here we go with my first beauty post.

Since a very young age, I have loved makeup. In fact, one of my favorite pictures of myself as a toddler was one where I was standing on my parent's toilet with baby powder on my face and bright red lipstick smeared all over my lips. Even at the rip old age of three, I could wait to be a big girl and wear makeup.
I'm am now 24 and have been wearing makeup for at least the last 11 years. And through those 11 years, I have learned many tip and tricks of the makeup world. You see, no one taught me how to put on makeup. My poor mother-who is the most beautiful women in the world- never wears any makeup. And if she does, she is absolutely clueless as to how to apply it or buy it. (I'm completely serious, a few years ago she sent me to the store with a handful of cash to buy her makeup because she didn't even know what to buy) Because of this, I had to rely on observation and later YouTube videos to teach myself about the wonderful world of makeup. And I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think I have gotten skilled at doing it- on myself at least.

Now- before I go any further- I have to tell you that my makeup routine is exactly that- a routine. Yes, I mix it up a little now and then, but I usually don't venture far. Let me explain why. I feel like many girls use their makeup to try to change how they look. They use over exaggerated colors, liners and contouring to change their entire face. I am not like that. I believe that make up should be used to enhance every girls natural beauty. Every single girl out there is beautiful! It really breaks my heart when I see girls out their trying to hide themselves and change themselves by overdoing their face and not letting their true beauty shine through. Less really is more, especially when it comes to a basic day look, and that's how I feel like I do my make up.

Okay, little rant over. Now onto the real meat of this post- me and my make routine. As my maiden voyage as a beauty blogger I am going to show you how I do my makeup and share a list of my favorite products.

My Daily Makeup Routine:

First thing, always start with a clean face. Cleaning your face is really important when it comes to doing makeup because this stuff literally clogs your pores which can lead to ance- and no one like ance. (One day I may do a post on my skin care routine and how I determined which skin care routine was good for me.)

Look Mom, I'm on the internet with no makeup

First step first- concealer. Now matter how clean and clear your skin is, every girl is bound to get a few zits in her life time. Then, on top of that, with age comes dark circles that no one particularly wants peaking through. Through trial and error, I have discovered two concealers that I absolutely love!!! They are the Maybelline 24-Hour Concealer and Hard Candy's Glamoflauge. Though they are both liquid concealers, I really consider them to be in different forms. The Maybelline concealer comes in a tube and has an application wand for, well, application. For the past few months, I have been primarily using Glamoflauge but the Maybelline tubes are great to through in your bag for touch ups- which is why I am including them in this post. The Glamoflauge has stolen my heart. You only need a little bit to go a long way and it stays on a long time. Yay! It comes in a tube and can be applied with a sponge or, my preferred way, by using a beauty blender. Now, if you don't know what a beauty blender is, it is that little tear shaped pink sponge you see on the makeup aisle. They can be used dry or damp to apply liquid make up and they blend magnificently! (Just in case you were wondering) These products are both cheap ($6 for the Glamoflague and under $8 for the Maybelline) and are both products I would recommend. 

Now, for foundation. Back in March, I took the plunge and entered into a relationship with Bare Essentials. From then on, we have been in love. Yes, it is more expensive than normal powder or foundation you can buy, but it is totally worth it. It covers like a DREAM!!! It's light and, like the Glamoflague, it stays put all day. And I mean it, there are days when I would come home from school and still look fresh. Applying it might seems intimidating- they do give you a brush and specific instructions- but it really is simple. You pour a little in the cap, swirl your brush in it, tap off the excess then buff it onto your skin. After applying it, you might feel like a wizard with the crazy make up magic you just performed. 

Now, this next part is a little controversial. Some girls do their blush next, I do my eyes. First, I use an eyelid primer. I recently started using eyelid primer and so far I really haven't noticed a different in my length of stay for my eyeshadow but I am still using it so, who knows. Here comes the next controversial part! I don't use eyeliner in the conventional sense. I personally hate the way that eyeliner looks- it looks unnatural and actually makes most peoples, mine included, eyes looks smarted. Who wants to make their eye look smaller? They are the "gateway to the soul". Instead, I tight line. Now, tight lining is something that I can get behind. Instead of applying eyeliner in the conventional sense, I only use eyeliner to fill in the little gaps between my eyelashes. This doesn't make your eyes look smaller and, instead, really fills in your eyelashes to make them look thicker! How awesome it that? 

And now for the third controverisal part, I only wear brown and neutral eyeshadow tones. Most guys notice a girls eyes before anything else. Using colors that compliment your eye colors will really make your eyes stand out and really pop. That's why I, a blue eye girl, use brown whereas brown eye beauties should use more purples and blues and green eye girlies should use more greens and golds. By choosing complimenting colors, people will look at your beautiful eyes instead of your eyeshadow. 

Then I apply blush. Blush is about the simplest part of my makeup routine. Now, with blush, it's important to choose one that compliments your actually coloring and won't make you look, well, like a clown. Oh man, I actually saw a girl today at school who hadn't learn this concept and I could only look at her bright pink blush, and not her face. My personal favorite blush is Pink Blush 04 by Clinque. It's simple and soft and would probably match with most skin tones. 

After blush I apply a bronzer, if needed. Did you all read that- if NEEDED! We have all passed girls that are two different colors- tan faces and pale necks. Though I am probably guilty of doing that at least once, make sure to match your makeup well and blend it appropriately into you neck to avoid this common mistake.  Believe me, it's okay to put makeup on you neck ans even your chest- you won't be breaking some unwritten rule. When applying bronzer, apply it to you neck and chest also so that everything matches and to avoid that carnal makeup sin. Then set your makeup with powder or mineral veil- for us Bare Essentials users- to complete your look with you favorite lip stick or gloss. I personally love Utla's Brilliant Color lipgloss in 15. It's a beautiful shade that looks more like a shiny lipstick when on instead of a shimmering lip gloss. Sometimes, if I want a little shimmer, I'll layer a shimmery gloss over it- particularly a Revlon Shade that I can't find at the moment. 

And done! That's better.

Sorry for the bad lighting- blame my bathroom.

And now I'm ready to face the world. (Get it, face? Because I put on my face!)

I hope you have enjoyed my first beauty post. Comment or subscribe/ follow if you really enjoy post like this and I'll be sure to write more. 

Lots of love,

Catherine

Love 'Em, but Don't Date 'Em.

A few weeks ago, I decided to go through my 'Random' Pinterest to rediscover all of the funny things I have pinned over the past two years. During this exploration, I cam across a blog post title: "Fictional Boys We All Want to Date Who Would Make Awful Boyfriends." I don't know about you, but we you see a title like that, you have to stop and read. And that's just what I did. Being a fan girl, I have fictional relationships with many fictional characters, my most notable relationships being with Nathan Scott, Emmett Cullen and the-Boy-Who-Lived himself, Harry Potter. As much as I have enjoyed my fictional relationships, I have never stepped back and examined to see if they were good boyfriend material or not. So, as I was rereading it I thought to myself, "Hey, I should make a list of my own." So, that's what I am doing. I have examined all of my favorite fandoms and created my own list of the men we all want but who are probably not boyfriend material. 

I know that you are all on pins and needles waiting for this life altering list so here it is:

Catherine's List of Fictional Hotties Who Would Make Bad Boyfriends:

1. Sherlock Holmes. Yes, the Baker Street resident is the first hottie but a boyfriend nottie on the list. If you haven't watch the brilliant BBC series Sherlock, then I am half tempted to tell you to stop reading this right now and go watch- it's amazing. Each episode of an hour and a half of twist, turns and witty banter. And, if you are anything like me, you slowly fall into love with the lead character's brain, wit and cheekiness. He's like British bad boy in a trench coat. So, why does this crime solving genius make the list? Well- he's kinda a cocky jerk. Sherlock knows he smart and often rubs that face in others faces. He is always so attentive to detail, the thing that makes him a genius detective, but sometimes his little 'talent' enables him to point out truths in people they were trying to hide- which usually embarrassed them. (See season 2, episode 1) Maybe he had the Sheldon complex and is oblivious to what he does and how it can hurts others, but-for the times being- Sherlock should be carefully admired from a far, where you are safe from his all observing eye and his filter less mouth. 
2. Captain America. "The gasp heard around the worlds", that's what they should call the scene in the recent blockbuster when little Steve Rodgers steps out of the greatest machine ever created, ever and every women's mouth drops at the sheer sexiness that is Captain America. He is the America dream. He beautiful, build like a Greek god and wears a military uniform like it was designed especially for him. Then, on top of the physical, he's a good guy- the guy that would hold the door for you, and bring you flowers, politely walk you do the door after every date and only give you a kiss on the cheek and not try to test you boundaries. He would be the type of boy that every girl's mother and father would want her to date. So, why does he make this list. Well, the little serum that transformed little Steve Rogers into a strapping young man also messed with his genetics and how his ages- or lack there of. Dating a none aging man just doesn't sound fun to me. You would get old, everything would start to sag and drupe and he would still look every Abercrombie model rolled up into one. Not the type of lasting relationship a girl wants, is it? Therefore, the captain makes this list.
3. And onto another captain, Captain Jack Sparrow. Who doesn't love this good guy/ bad guy scallywag pirate? One, he's play by the undeniably dersirable Johnny Depp, the only man on this planet that can make manliner sexy. It's a fact, jack! Then, he wears those sexy pirate clothes and carries a manly sword and you are in love. If you know the movies, then it might be kinda obvious why he's definitely not boyfriend material. However, it this is not the case- then I'm here to break it down for you. Despite his sexiness and sword, he is a pirate and pirates are notoriously bad boyfriends. He's always running around the opening seas, stealing to boot, and them stopping into Tortuga to meet up with Gisette and Victoria, probably on the same night. Pirates don't follow laws- their pirates- and I down that he would follow the laws of boyfriend as well. 
4. Edward Cullen. Like most girls, I fell in love with he mysterious vampire in Forks, Washington. Though I did eventually reassign my romantic ties to his gorgeous, buff older adoptive brother, I was "irrevocably" in love with the copper headed child of the night. He was handsome, mysterious, musical and romantic. What more could a seventeen year old girl want? Well, good ole Ed may not be the best boyfriend material. Now- before you get your pitch forks and burn me at the stake, hear me out. According to Pinterest, Edward and Bella's relationship meets many of the qualifications of an abusive relationship. Personally, I don't know if that is true or not- but let's face it, their relationship is a little odd. First, he comes into her bedroom and watches her sleep. Umm...creepy. Maybe this would be romantic if I slept like a perfect angel at night, but considering I kick, drool and do who knows what else after the Sandmand visits, I really would want some boy watching me. Also, he makes everything so serious. Yes, their is a little more flirting and fun in the books- but if you have ever seen the movies you would have to agree that boytoy needs to take a chill pill. Goodness! Some girls might like that time of serious at all time, but it would drive me crazy. 
5. Thor. Yes, the Norse god of thunder comic book sensation also makes this list. Most of us females have limited our exposure to the blockbuster movie that came out a few years ago.(The sequel is coming out this fall- hallelujah) And in the movies, the blessed superhero is played by the one and only Chris Hemsworth and his holy biceps of happiness. Seriously? Have you seen those puppies? They are bigger than my face! And though he needs to lose the pride and gain some humility in the movie, he still has the charming princes personality that this girl loves. So, why does he make this list. A relationship with Thor would be the ultimate long distant relationship. I mean, the boy lives in an entirely different world where phone calls and FaceTime our out of the question. As much as I want to be cuddle in those huge arms and held against to that strong, hard chest- those embraces would come few and far in between- unfortunately. 
6. Sirus Black. Of all of the mauders, I could probably say that he is the one with the most fan girl following. From the descriptions in the book of their glory days, you imagine a man of good boy, rebel sexiness. (I mean, he was in Gryfinndor and his family was strictly Slytherin- and that didn't sit too well with good ole Mr. and Mrs.) He was a jokerster, loyal and willing to fight and die for a cause- he was like the Josh Hartnett in Pearl Harbor equivalent in the wizarding wars. (Okay, that might be a bad analogy but he's the only hot war guy I can think of off the top of my head) So, why does Mr. Black make the list. Well- first, he has that whole murder charge places upon his sexy head. Now, we all know that he didn't actually do if (and if you didn't, spoiler alert) but his twelve year stay in Azkaban makes him a less than desirable boyfriend. And then, when he does finally get out- he spends his time running from the law, usually as a black dog, and still not desirable for a relationship. As much as we all love Sirus, and we do, being with the sexy sorcerer isn't going to happen- unless its back in his Hogwart's days. 
7. Doctor Who. *ducks to avoid flying objects* Good people of blogger, listen to me. Yes, we all love the Doctor and we all, despite our best attempts to not be charmed by his charm and wit, fall under his spell. Ladies, we have to face it- if would make a terrible boyfriend. Even if you were his companion for a considerate amount of time- no amount could replace the fact that he loves Rose and River. And if we could, would he really be around for the long haul? The poor Doctor's tract record with women isn't the best. Rose has gone to a separate dimension with a human 10th Doctor. Martha loved the doctor but never earned his love in return. And River is, according to the last episode of this past season, dead. But even she, his own wife, spent her year filtering in and out of time, never really being able to be with the one he loves because they were moving in two different directions. A relationship with the Doctor just wouldn't work. Now, we can all cry together. 
8. Han Solo. Who doesn't love the Star Wars bad boy perfectly played by Harrison Ford. I mean, have you seen him in that costume with his little boots, pants (including gun holster) and fluffy 70's hair. He was like a galaxy biker who really had a sweet, soft heart. He's the only guy who can respond to a declaration of love with "I know" and it was totally hot. If any other guy did that, they girl would end up in tears and the guy might get slapped.  But he owns it. So why is he on this list? Well, though he is tall, dark and handsome- he's also a bootlegging, sometimes cocky, can be jerk with a huge bounty on his head. Not exactly what you want in a relationship. Then, he spends an unknown number of months frozen in carbonite- so I'm sure that would put a damper on the relationship. Maybe,eventually, he would be good enough for a true, committed relationship- but during the rebel wars, it's better to just stay away. 

So, what do you think of my list? Who would you add and/or delete?

Love and happiness to all.
-Catherine

He's Just Not That Into You?

Without a doubt, every woman- young or old- has heard this phrase at least once in their life. Goodness, there is even a book and movie that claim it as it's title and center around the complex relationship we weave in and out of on this planet. Unfortunately, for me, this is the exaggerated yet accurate description of my love life. Questions like this keep me up into the morning hours, wondering what in the goodness, gracious Earth is going on between me and some guy. Why can't their be a manual that lays down every questioning move a guy does and interprets it in a cute, color coded form- most likely typed in the cliche Curlz font- for times like this when my head is reeling and my heart is breaking? Because life is not meant to be easy, Catherine. So, I as I sit here in Starbucks like a pretentious poser, typing away on my Dad's borrowed laptop and sipping my iced mocha lite, I can't help but wonder....is he just not into me? 

The he, for the purpose of this post, will remain anonymous but is a real, real person, I assure you. And the me, sadly enough, is me. I'm the girl who's heart is in a limbo between breaking and happiness- unsure which way I will be pulled. Every move and word can be interpreted into a certain connotation, both positive or negative, and it's up to me and me alone to figure out which one is the truth. Luckily, I have my girls- K and Aim- who are trying to help me along the way but it's not always enough. Each couple- and I mean that as two individuals that are not strictly in a relationship as opposed to the traditional meaning- are unique as to how they communicate and relate in their relationship. What he might do with one girl, may be different for me- it's like the relative theory on dating. And, unlike the variables in calculus, they aren't easily applied to each relationship. So,I sit her trying to communicate each little move as it applies to me and him, no him and another girl or me and another guy or even the relationships that K and Aim have had. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Which brings me back to an earlier point- why can't their be a manual? Sure, their are Internet articles and the ever popular Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book that have guided so many relation-less women towards a higher understanding of the opposite sex- but can it be applied to me? Or are we different? And how do some girls have this all figured out. We all know those girls that go from relationship to relationship, always able to find another guy. It's these girls that we all wish we were like. But, do even they have it figured out? Or do we just think that they do? Maybe they are as clueless as we are, but the dating odds are just in their favor. 

Now, you may be wondering where I am going with all of this. Honestly, I don't really know where I am going with all of this so I guess I'll start from the beginning. Luckily, I think the possibility of the him actually reading this is about a likely as me winning a million dollars so I think I'll be safe sharing all of this and it won't come back to bite me on the butt. Despite my apprehensions, or lack there of, I need to get this out some way and writing is my avenue. 

So, there is this guy. It's crazy to think of how many conversations I have begun with that same sentence but that's the only way I can begin this story. There is this guy that I have know for quite a while and I have always had an interest in him, romantically. Way back when, we had a short lived, teenage relationship that inevitable failed, but I have always had some sort of interest in him. I can't pin point what the interest was about, whether is be an attraction to his personality, or the way he made me fell or the fact that I find him the most attractive man I have ever met, it's always been there. I have dated other guys but in between my failed relationships, my thoughts have always returned to him. It's like he's the flame and I'm the moth- I'm drawn to him. 

After a few years of pursuing a failed potential relationship with him, I eventually decided that it's not going to happen- that ship as sailed. But, it were those moments where I thought I was out that he would come swooping in.

Lauren Conrad gets me. But that's honestly how it goes. I leave one little happy birthday message on a Facebook wall and suddenly I'm at a midnight movie with the guy I swore off. How does that happen?

In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have gone because then I wouldn't be here, questioning what is and isn't going on. But, coulda, woulda, shoulda. So, I went to this midnight movie with him, the guy of my affection and attraction for years and had a fabulous time and he hugged me and told me he wanted to hang out again and left me at my car with more questions then when I went in with. 
I thought that maybe I was getting my chance that I had been pining for for years. He wanted to see me again. He hugged me. Maybe I charmed and smiled enough for him to actually want to see me again. I tried to be the most charming Catherine I could be and maybe it had finally worked! All of my bad relationship luck had to pay of sometime, maybe this was it. So, I was high of the euphoric feeling that things were going my way until evey attempt to hang out during the winter break was met with a dead end. Maybe he didn't really want to hang out with me, maybe it was all in my head. It certainly made sense, he was goregous and interesting and I'm just Catherine who sucks at life and love. This was just who we are. 
So, I set my sights on getting over him again and he didn't make it easy for me. I would get twitter favorites and Facebook likes that would set my mind reeling my fingers texting to my besties for interpretation. The most confusing this came around Valentine's day with a comment (regarding my love life) on a Facebook tag post I did and that was he took down within 20 minutes- K, counted.  Could it be that he thought I would think it was mean OR was he showing me his metaphorical hand? Maybe I'll never know. 
Nevertheless, the world went on and I tried to move on. Moving on would have been easier if I had someone to move on with, but that was not the case for me. I told myself what I had told myself before- "He's not into you", "he's not interested" and the every popular "It's never going to happen." In fact, I think that I have a better chance at dating the cute baseball player from my last post that ever getting a chance with this guy again- and I mean that in all honesty. 

Determined and quite used to the routine, I  was getting over him. I didn't check his Facebook or Twitter, I didn't care- he and I were only two people living on the same planet and nothing more. I even tried to develop a friends with benefits relationship -for me, that only means kissing- with a hot guy friend that would never date me to help with the physical relationship withdraws that I was having 
Then he texted me. One night, when I was finally happy and my phone was dead, he decided that he wanted to watch a movie and wondered if I want to join. All of the damage control I had done over the pass months was undone with a little text message. Maybe I never truly put up the walls that I need to. I used 2 x 4s and wood glue where clearly concrete blocks and cement were needed. 
 I couldn't hang out with him that night, I was nearly two hours away and not at home for the weekend since I stared school Monday. But my rejection to his invitation didn't stop him from carrying on a conversation until 1 the next morning- even though I tried to go to bed. 
I couldn' t help but wonder what had brought this all on. Had he wanted to try to see me for months but he couldn't until now due to his work schedule and living hours away? Or was he just trying to use me for my extensive DVD collection? I affixated on the first, assured that I was what he wanted and not my extended edition copy of Return of the King. 
We talked the next night, instigated by me, for almost 3 hours. The conversation seemed as effortless as the night before. I even think he was pausing his video game to talk to me and I'm told that  that means something. Was this going to be my life now? Would he and I spend the nights texting then slowly edging into talking on the phone? I hoped so. We might be separated by hundred of miles but I think we both have good long distance cell plans and unused minutes, I could have worked. And I wanted it to. I thought that maybe this was my time, that God had may our possible relationship wait until the opportune moment for both of us. Even the shuffle on my iPod seemed a lot more optimistic- Don't Worry Baby seemed to played more than normal. Even I seemed more opened and optimistic about love and relationships and I'm a cynical, realist that is sure that I'm not getting married.  
The boy of my interest for a decade finally acted like he wanted to see me and by George was I going to make sure we got to hang out at least once before he left. 
After nearly two weeks after his first instigation, we finally did hang out. And I screwed it all up. Glad to see that I haven't lost my old ways at ruining any chance for happiness with him. 
He came over to my nearly bare, on the market house and we watched a movie. Well, we sorta watched a movie- he was too busy checking his fantasy football league on his cell phone while I was text K and Aim so I didn't see like a lifeless loser. This was not at all how I expected it to go. In my mind, we would talk and laugh and all but forget about the movie. He would try his best just to touch my hand or arm and every time he did, I was smile, never looking at him and, at the end of the night, we would have a romantic Hollywood goodbye and leave with a promise of doing it again sometime soon. But that's the thing about expectations- they hardly every match up with reality. 
Now, don't get me wrong, we did talk and laugh and was had a serious conversation that may me realize that I just wasn't physically attracted to him, I was attracted to who he was. And I thought maybe I was getting to him, in a good way. He was give me these little side ways glances and bring up our past relationship even as far as to ask me what perfume I wore when we were together because he remembered it. But there were times where I felt clueless as to what I should say or do next and ten minute long stretches of silent that may me wonder if his possible interested was only in my head. 
And the fact that he look impeccable good didn't help either. I think I had forgotten he could look in a t-shirt and his arms were.....well, I let you imagine how good his arms looked. 
The night wasn't as awkward as I thought it would have been but it wasn't as comfortable and easy as I had hoped it would have been. I guess it was whatever a medium between the two would be...awkwortable? 
Now that the movie was over, there was one this we had to do- say goodbye. Like a good little girl, I walked him to his car, in the dark since my outside lights must be out. He told me that he had a good time and that we should do it again. I expected him to say something like this, I had heard it the last time we had hung out and I just figured it was a line, like telling someone that you should get coffee sometime but both understanding that it's never going to happen. But, they came what I was waiting for- the goodnight hug. Would he go one arm, or two arms? Would he try to kiss me? This hug could tell me where I was with him. He reached out an arm- just one- and me and my awkward nervous state said "umm, do you want a one arm hug or two". Surprisingly after my stupid question, we had a two arm hug. And it felt perfect. I felt like I perfectly fit into his arms, which were wrapped tightly around me. I fit in his nook, with my face against his chest, cheek against she soft t-shirt that he was wearing and my arms wrapped around his back. I could feel his back muscles through his shirt. I don't know how tight he was hold me, but I think I was holding him pretty tight. And I can't seem to care. If this was all I was going to get, I might as well make it good. But, when we finally let go, however long that was, I made sure to go ahead and ruin it by saying that it was a little awkward. It was like word vomit spewing out of my mouth. Seriously, could my brain shut up for one second and let me enjoy my only contact with a man in 3 years? 
He replied "Awkward? We are friends, aren't we." It amazing how five little words can break your castle of hope and friend zone you. And we all know that once we go into the friend zone, the possibility of getting out is slim to none. Yes, I want to be his friend. Friendship is kinda a precursor to any sort of romantic relationship. In all actuality, what I want in a future mate is a best friend that I make out with. But I don't want to just be his friend forever. 
I told him that it's always going to be a little awkward with him thought I didn't expound as to why. He didn't need to know that the awkwardness was fueled by the fact that I still find him extremely attractive, thought he knows that I do after last night, and I enjoyed our hug a little too much. 

I went into my house angry at myself for ruining my only chance with him- I'm still angry truth be told. I texted K who proceeded to try to calm me down by assuring me that it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was and to sleep on it, maybe things would look different in the morning. They didn't. Instead, I've been on the verge of tears all day, knowing fully that it's over- I had a chance and I ruined it. I even tried to see what he was thinking by sending his a quick text telling him that I had fun and thanking him for hanging out and jokingly say that hopefully it won't be 9 months before we can hang out again. What I got in return was a short, seven word response and a lost hope. 

So, there's my sad sob story of desperation and despair. Do I love him? No. Do I even like him in a romantic way? No...maybe. I don't know him well enough to say either way. But I do feel something for him, whether it be like or lust (not sin lust, physical attraction) that keeps me interested in him. Maybe I just was to be like we were when we dated, I was happy then and he's a good kisser. Honestly, I don't think I would ever know until he and I tried a relationship again. And now, I have blown that chance so I'll probably never know. 

Girls, learn from me, please.  My heart can be broken, it's actually gotten used to it. But I would never wish that upon anyone else. 

Love to all-
Catherine

Fangirling: I think I'm Doing it Wrong

In case you haven't noticed yet, I am a semi-professional fangirl. I'm only semi-professional because I am also a college student and teachers feel like my time is better spent reading boring textbooks than cyberstalking my favorite celebrities to find their favorite flavor of ice cream. Go figure. 
Now, the basic timeline of a fan girl is as follows:
First, the discovery- The fangirl (me) discovers a new television show/ movie/ book series/ actor and looks them up using whatever search engine she (me) deems useful.
Second,  the first exposure- After the discovery, the fangirl either watches a few episodes, movies, YouTube videos (containing the new actor) in fair moderation, slowly edging into the complex world of the fandom. It's like getting into a cold swimming pool, you slowly get in and get used to the crazy, I mean water.  
Thrid, the obsession- Through a climatic turn of events, every waking moment is suddenly spend reading or watching about the new obsession. This is the driving force that challenges you to walk all three seasons in two days. If you run out of things to watch, that's okay- there is always YouTube and fan made videos to fuel your desire. But you don't stop there. You constantly try to insert your new obsession into day to day conversations. Sometimes it works. Other times, they stare at you like you have a second head. But you don't care, you are blissfully in love with such and such and can't see their looks of confusion and concern. 
Fourth, the lifestyle- Your fangirling obsession becomes part of you life. Your parents may learn the name of your new actor obsession since you keep talking about the obsessively like you actually know them. (I'll admit that both my mother and little sister know that when I say Ben I mean Ben Barnes) This stage gets quite confusing when you become obsessed with a show like Doctor Who and you have to deal with the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctor who are the same character but each contain a different personality and are played by a different actor who you each love differently. You obsession is intergrated into the world of your other obsessions, each having their own place in your mixed up world of fangirling. 
Fifth, the come down- After an extent time in the lifestyle phase, you slowly start backing off your obsession- spending less time watching videos or reading Wikipedia entries and Fanfiction. You never stop loving your new obsession, but life does get in the way and you sometimes can't devote the time you want to your new love. 
Sixth and finally, the relapse- Every so often, you will fall back into the obsessive fan girl stages of two and three, like you are rediscovering them for the first time all over again. This usually occurs before season premieres and movie/book releases or news about your actor. Relapses are completely normal.

Now, why am I telling you the different phases of fangirling? Well, it's because I have a new fangirl obsession that is completely unorthodox....baseball. Yes, I, Catherine, Queen of the Fangirls, love baseball. 

Who doesn't like baseball pants?

In all fairness, I didn't just discover baseball. In fact, I have like it for many years, I grew up a Braves fan, but I never had the desire to curl up on a couch and watch a game. Instead, my baseball viewing was limited to my little brothers varsity games-he graduated high school 4 years ago- and a few live Braves games. That's it. But, that all changed a few weeks ago. *Cue dramatic lightening*
I was a usually sunny afternoon in July. I was upstairs studying when suddenly a thirst of immeasurable proportions engulfed my throat. Unable to stand it, I vacated my solitude of study in search for a glass of cool, refreshing water to ease my suffering. As I passed through the living room....I saw him. He was standing on first base, adjusting his batting gloves, trying to catch his breath. He had just hit his first major league hit, but you would have never known it- his face gave away nothing of happiness or pride, just undeniable handsomeness.
He was the cutest baseball player I had ever seen, despite the fact that I couldn't see his hair. My initial quest slipped my mind, my thoughts were only filled with the cute baseball player on first. I stood there, mouth open, trying to catch his name. I caught an inkling of one, the gist of his first and last, but my ears hear it wrong with my mind focused on him. 
Determined to play it cool, I got my glass of water but lingered a little longer than usual on my journey back through the living room hoping to catch another glance of the baseball boy who took my breath away. My glance was met with disappointment, disappointment and a commercial- probably the one for the pocket hose. 
I all freventness, I google his supposed name. But I was met with an unanswered inquiry and and a heavy heart. I turned back to my books, never forgetting the cute boy on first. 
Two days later, I did something I had never done before- I turned on the Braves game. I grabbed the remote and pushed the channel up button to a place I had never ventured before, passed the style and and E! network to the thousand and one sports channels my cable provider thinks we should have. I went back to the activity at hand, making dinner, but I kept listening for the beautiful boys name. I caught a few plays between chopping and shucking, enough to surprise my little brother and father with a play by play when they got home. After dinner, I even sat down to watch the rest of the game and , finally, I caught his name. It was like music to my ears and I couldn't wait to sneak away upstairs to google his name in true fangirl fashion. When I did finally sneak away, nothing sweeter than typing his name into a google search bar, though I probably spelled it wrong, and hitting send. There is was, the baseball player who had plagued my mind layed out to me in cyber form. I knew his stats, his college and his batting average all accompanied with a picture in a simply click. I also found his ice-breaking music video that left me and my brother laughing. Ah, I was enamored. 
The next day, my family left for vacation and I started DVRing baseball games to fast forward later for glimpses of the baseball player. Night after night, I taped baseball games and read complicated stats online- first of him but soon other players. I learned their names, numbers and positions, picking out my favorites not based on looks but on talent. 
A few days later I had to join my family on vacation, but my fangirling had to be fed somehow. So I finally began using my Sportscenter app, giving my Dad and brother game play by plays in the middle of Walt Disney World and draining my battery in the process. My littler brother, who found this all humorously endearing, didn't mind answering my questions with a knowing smirk, no doubt happy to be sharing one of his loves with his passionate sister. He taught me what a balk was at dinner and discussed the Nationals with me in line. For a mindless vacation, I learned a lot. 
When the baseball player got optioned tot he minors, I downloaded the minor league app to follow him. Now, two apps occupied my time in lines and deplete my battery. And I decided that I had to go to a game, quickly employing my best friend and partner in fangirl crime to accompany me. 
When I got home and he got called back up, the taping began again but, this time, I watched the whole game. Game after game I watched, not just to see the baseball player, but to watch the group of talented, athletic men play a sport that I had rediscovered my appreciation of. Even tonight I interrupted this post to spend three hours curled up in the couch watching the Braves beat the Mets. This passed weekend, I attended my first major league game since high school and had an amazing time despite the fact that my baseball player wasn't there. I was on a fan girl high, pure excitement to see the team I had come to love play and win! 
I was, I am a fan and, most importantly, I'm a fangirl. I only wish I had discovered this love earlier in the season so that I could have may more games, but I will take advantage of the time in the season and post season that I have left and make more trips to Atlanta, where the players play. Maybe I'll even run into my baseball player and hopefully I won't fangirl all over him because that's not attractive, no siree. But who cares either way, I'm going to another game! 

Though, I really do want to see him- he's so CUTE!

Well, there's my latest fangirl obsession. It's strange, but I don't care- I love it. And, hey, it's probably healthier than most obsessions...it encourages me to go outside, sorta. 

I hope you enjoyed this and found it as fun and entertaining as I had writing it. If you have any suggestions for future post, leave them below! 

*Catherine Note* The baseball player's name was specifically left out in case said baseball player ever finds this then maybe he won't think I'm crazy...okay, maybe a little crazy but in a cute, adorable Zooey Deschanel way.

All my love and play ball-
Catherine XX

*Another unrelated note* For those who read and even enjoyed my Ben Barnes post a few weeks ago, have I got a treat for you. I have discovered another song sung by the gorgeous Ben that might seriously have you in tears from its beauty. Seriously, this is the most beautiful song ever- beautiful enough to make stone cherubims come to life and cry because they will never be this beautiful. It just won't happen. Nope.

Seriously, the only way this could be better is if he was singing it to you in person.

Christian Boys:

 Why We Love Them

Yes, yes, yes, this is another dating post which is quite funny for me because I am as single as single comes. One of these reasons that I started this blog is so that I have something to do to fight the loneliness I have developed after leaving most of my friends and moving for school and to be with my family. 

But enough about me, let's get to the real topic of today. 

For Christians dating is a little bit different from the dating world of, well, the world. If you don't believe me then maybe you are doing Christian dating wrong. 

Now, there are some things that Christians guys do that Christians girls think is- I'll outright say it- sexy. And by sexy I mean "oh my word, please marry me now" sexy. 

So, I talked to my girlfriends and together we have complied a list (yay! lists!) about what Christian girls find sexy in Christian guys. So, without further ado...

Top Six Things Christian Guys Do that are Sexy:

1. Say a prayer before you eat on a date. When I was younger, I'll admit that I got a little embarrassed about and would wonder what other people thought when we bowed our heads. Now that I have matured a whole lot, it's completely sexy. When you are with a guy who loves the Lord enough to stop and pray before a meal despite who is around or where you are at shows you the type of husband and spiritual leader of your family. 
2. Give a public talk. Whether is be at a devotional or in front of the whole congregation, something about seeing a guy up there spreading the word of God make everyone young woman drool. And he doesn't even have to be good at it. If he up there stumbling over his words, he adorable and cute and you can't wait for him to come down so you can tell him that he did wonderful and fawn over him, just a little bit. If he's a veteran at it and does wonderful, then he just looks hot. No need to sugar coat that. 
3. Holding the songbook for the both of you during church. Here is my qualm with this whole "paperless" approach for church: no one uses a book any more so there are no guys holding books. :( I loved it when my boyfriend or any boy for that matter would hold the book for me in church. He would hold the book with his big strong arms and veins popping out all over the place, really showing off that he's a man. Love it. So, we might have to bring back song books just for me and my love of forearms, okay?
4. When guys hold you hand during a prayer. Though I'm really not a big hand holding person during a prayer, I don't understand the purpose of holding hands of complete strangers or the little squeeze after Amen. I mean really, what is that? I'll admit it , I have spent more that one prayer focused on the hand that is clasped in mine wondering if he/she can feel my head starting to sweat or that little dry spot that I can get below my ring finger and if they now think that I'm gross. Yeah, not the best thoughts during a prayer. However, when it's your boyfriend or the guy you are dating, it's like a sense of togetherness, together you are offering up this prayer. And, hopefully he has held your hand before so you are worrying less on what they think about your hand and are focused more on what they are saying. 
5. When guys roll their sleeves up. Okay, I know that this doesn't apply only to Christian guys, but I feel like I see it more in them since it's kinda the "dress-code" for church. Guys, every girl loves it when you unbutton your sleeves and roll them up a few times. It makes us go wild! And then, when they hold the song book and they have their veins all popping out...well, it's just an amazing amazing thing.
6. And the last, when a guy leads singing. Now, this is a special one because not every guy can lead singing- some think that they can, but they can't. But when a guy gets up there and leads and knows what he is doing, there is probably nothing hotter. Add that to holding a song book and rolling up his sleeves and you might be in love with him by the end of the song, it's true. But remember ladies, to pay attention to the words of the song, no matter how good he looks. 

So, there you have it. This post may of not been as entertaining as the last too, but I hope you enjoyed in nonetheless. Have a wonderful "hump day" and I'll post again soon!

Lots of Love-

Catherine

My first time...

I kissed a boy.

Okay, admit it, you got all excited thinking that I was going to write about something completely personal? Shame on you ;) 

I got the idea of this post from English Youtubers, Zoella and Sprinkle of Glitter, and I thought that I would maybe share some of my first times with the world. However, I only think that three people actually read my blog-one of them is probably my mother-so I guess I'm only sharing it with a very small percent of the population. Well, no matter how many or whoever is reading, here we go.

*Catherine Note*: All names have been changed to in order to protect the parties associate. I have decided to change them all, possibly including my own, to Disney character names because I'm fun like that. 

My first kiss,

A tale by Catherine 

Once upon a time, when I was in kindergarten, I kissed two boys in one day and I got in trouble. 

Though that story is very true, I don't that kissing before puberty counts. So here is the true account of my true first kiss. 

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Alabamaistan, I was forced to change high schools. My parents thought it would be best for me to attend a small, private Christian school along with my brothers. On my first day of school, I saw him- Philip for this stories sake- in band. He was the cutest boy I had ever seen, and that's saying something. Naturally, as was accustomed of my fourteen years old self, I was determined to make him my boyfriend, despite the fact that he was sixteen. I was a lot more forward back in those days, in case my kissing two boys in kindergarten didn't tell you that, so I immediately wrote a note to my only friend at my new school casually about the unknown cute drummer. And by casually, I mean with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. She told me that he was named "Philip" and that he had a nice family and that we could use year books to figure out more about him. You see boys and girls, this was 2003 and we didn't have Facebook or Twitter to stalk a boy through. If I did have it, I would have been unstoppable!

 So, Aurora- me- pursued Philip through the only forms of communication we used in these ancient days, AIM and notes. We wrote notes and IMed but, despite my best efforts, my attempts were all met with failure. This was unusually for me but, after a while, I backed off and decided it would never happen. However, everything changed one afternoon , on the band trip or tennis trip- I still don't know which one. This trip isn't important, however, the simple fact is that he suddenly liked me and it only took me a whole school year- it was May at this point- for him to come around. We officially started "going out" on whatever day my brother graduated from High School...I think. I was around that time and the official date isn't important to this story. 

Now, here is what you have all been waiting for, the story of the first kiss.  By the end of the end of the school year, something magical had happened that only happens one it probably 10,000- me and my best friends were dating, going out, with three best friends. This was highly convenient because we always had another couple to hang out with. Things were pretty great. The beginning of June brought Rapunzel's birthday so we all headed up to a little amusement park to celebrate, Rapunzel and her man, Belle and her man and me and Philip. I remember what I wore, khakis capris  and a pink v-neck shirt with white flip flops. Looking back, I wish I had been kissed in a lot better outfit but what can you do? We spent our day riding various rides, as couple of course,  and having alot of fun. Well, we were having alot of fun until Belle's guy broke up with her- as he purposely planned to do- and everyone else felt awkward. Nothing like you best friend crying in an amusement park after be broken up with by her boyfriend to put the happy in "Happy Birthday". 

While Belle and her now ex-beau talked. Rapunzel and her guy and my and my guy decided to go on a little ride together. I would describe this ride as Splash Mountain's dull grandmother. There were no singing animals or whimsical drops or colors. Basically, it was a tunnel that ended in a drop. Exciting, I know. Well, we get on this ride with he and I, strategically or not so strategically,  sitting in the back and we started going through this tunnel which continued to get darker and darker as we continued on. Soon, it was pitch black and we were all snuggled up in the back row with his arm around me. It was so romantic. Next thing I know, he kissed my cheek. Naturally, I turned to look at him in the pitch black dark. Then, it happened. Honestly, I don't know if it looked like the movies because I was involved in it and was not having an out of body experience at that moment. In fact, I didn't realize that was happening till about half was through the kiss. 

This was the conversation going on in my head at the time.

What, was is that? Are those lips? Are they his lips? Moron, he is kissing you! He's kissing me and I'm missing it. Are you eyes closed? No, I don't think so, are they supposed to be? Yes, that's how is it done in the movies. Oh yeah, right! 

Unfortunately I never closed my eyes so I'm sure that I looked like a proper idiot. When the kiss ended, I remember smiling and saying something about his six months since his last kiss being up, because I'm smooth like that. For the rest of the afternoon, especially about the time my mother was supposed to come get me to take me home, I was completely terrified to be alone with him for fear that he would kiss me again and I would do something stupid again or worse, my mother would see. 

And that's the story of my first kiss. It wasn't movie-esque or perfectly time to a song. Instead, it was just me and the boy I liked in the back of a boat- but it was perfect. 

The first kiss is one of the most pivotal moment in a girls life. It doesn't require the perfect place and moment, just the perfect person. And it doesn't have to be a big, elaborate kiss. I can just be a sweet little peck, a chaste kiss if you will. Leave a comment below and tell me about your first kiss, how magically it was or if was slobbery, I would love to hear your storied especially if you had made it this far into mine. 

Now, this was only my first simple, innocent kiss. My first real kiss, and if you don't know what I mean by real than you probably should go back to watching iCarly, was later that month and doesn't have a cute story that accompanies it. It was still pretty hot, though,

Well, I hope you enjoyed a little look into my life. And, if you are my 13 year old daughter who somehow found this on the world wide web, your mom was just like you once. Now, turn off your computer or whatever internet capable device you are using and go to bed!

Love to all-

Catherine

When in doubt....Ben Barnes.

Second blog post this week, I feel like maybe I should get a medal or cookie or something like that. Tonight's blog post is going to be different from all the previous ones, or at least I think so- it's not going to be on dating or weight loss or girl power but, about a boy.

Who is this boy that, I feel, deserves a whole blog post on unto himself. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's a little man named Ben Barnes. 

Ah, Ben Barnes, just the name itself gets me excited. Now, if you have been with my blog from the first post, then you remember this glorious name. If you have never heard of Ben Barnes then, a) I feel sorry for you and b) Don't worry, Auntie Catherine is about to enlighten you. Yay for you!!

Now, as this is America, I can not force you to love Ben Barnes as I do, but I will share as to why I love him and maybe you will love him too. If you don't, it's okay because that will just leave more for me.

Okay, first things first, here in a picture of the man in question. Benjamin Thomas Barnes- first off,  great name- first entered my life in the fall of 2007. Me and two of my best friends when to see the movie Starlight in which Ben is the main object of the first 5-10 minutes. Being the big nerds that we are, Katie and I recognized his face as being the star of the next Chronicles of Narnia film "Prince Caspian" so we spent the first 10 minutes frantically whispering back and forth like proper fan girls and probably earning some harsh looks. It's safe to say that our obsession of this British man gem began that night when we realized how good looking he was. I mean, look at that face up there ^.

For the sake of this blog, I have composed a list, along with the help of my little sister, of the attributes of one Benjamin Barnes and why we love him. 

The Shining Attribute of Benjamin Barnes

as complied by Catherine and Molly:

1.) The face. For years, ancient sculptors and painters have tried to capture the angelic face of man in classic works like David and The Thinker. Look no further, Michelangelo, that angelic face is the face of Ben Barnes. From the sparkling brown eyes to the regal nose to the most perfect smile- he has it all. The fact that two cells combined in such a perfect way so that their combine DNA could produce the creature above baffles my mind. For good measure, here is another picture- and get use to them, it won't be the last. 

Who could resist this face?

2.) He's versatile. In my 24 years I have walked on this earth, I have never seen a man able to pull off more facial and head hair looks than this man. Short hair and no facial hair- hot. Short hair and facial hair- hot. Long hair and not facial hair- hot. Long hair and facial hair- hot. This is not true of all men. Guys who look good with short hair usually look homeless with long hair and guys who look good with long hair usually look like a prepubesant 7th grader with short hair. It's a basic fact of life. (Facts of Life- great show) Ben Barnes has basically surpassed all of these social norms by always looking amazing not matter which way the hair is growing on his head. Now, for examples.

   Do you see what I mean? Versatile!

*Catherine's Note* : Despite his Achilles/ Herculean appearance at all facets of hair, he can not pull off just a moustache without looking a little creepy. This, however, is true of ALL men under the rip age of 45- but he looks a lot less like a pervert than them. 

*Another note* There are no images on Google of Ben with a moustache like in the movie The Words so you will either just have to take my word or watch the movie for yourself. 

*Another another note* I only looked at the first page because I'm lazy and it's late.

3.) I don't think that he ages, I really mean that. Tuesday was this gorgeous boys birthday and how old do you think he turned. 27? False, he turned a beautiful 32. I can see your face now, you probably look like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone in the bathroom scene with disbelief. (That's oddly specific but, hey, it works) Yes, he turned 32 which raises a few questions. A few years ago, Benny Boo did a little movie called Dorian Gray where he played the title character. Now, in the unlikely event that you no nothing about the synopsis of Dorian Gray, I will give you the Catherine's Notes version. Dorian Gray is a beautiful, vain man who basically sells his soul for eternal youth. As he becomes more corrupt and evil in this world, his beautiful portrait decays and corrodes, truly depicting his inner man. Spoiler alert, he eventually destroys his picture which kills him and restores his portrait to it original, unblemished state. 

I beginning to think that this story is true and that Ben Barnes sold his soul for eternal youth  because I don't look that good and I'm only 24. Either that, or he found the fountain of youth.

4.) He's British. I don't know what it is, but a British accent on a man immediately increases his attractiveness by 26.3%- yes, I did the math. Now, this also applies to Australian's but there are far less known Australian men than British men so, the British accent wins by default. I wish I knew why this magical spell of the British accent has so much lure over us. Is it because we think they are automatically gentlemen because they talk like James Bond? I don't know. Is it because they, according to social convention, sound smarter? Again, I don't know. The world may never understand the British accent but, until then, we American women will have to fight the urge to not grab every British boy we meet and kiss his cheeky cheeks. 

5.) He's not only an actor, but he's a good actor. That's probably why you haven't heard of him before today, he actually has talent and we can't have that in our major motion pictures- no sirree. He spent to first few years of his career performing on West End. West End! For those Anglo-illiterate out there, West End is London's version of Broadway. Now, you've got to have talent to work on West End because you don't have multiple takes to get it right. I don't understand why his movie career hasn't boomed off the charts yet. He's brilliant in whatever he's in and with a face like his, he should be packing the theater with women folk. So, Hollywood, get on that. And check out the trailer for his upcoming movie Seventh Son. 

6.) He can sing. And I don't mean you average, Disney channel "actor" turned "singer" sing. I mean, HE. CAN. SING. Like an angel that fell from heaven and has decided to share his magical song with the world. He grew up doing musical theater and in 2004 perform with a boy band on a popular European show representing Britain. Unfortunately, they didn't win with their song "Leading Me On", which I will link to below, but that hasn't stopped him. As of today, he has sung for two different soundtracks: Easy Virtue, which features 30's style Big Band/ jazz, and Killing Bono, which is basically 80's pop/rock. 

Leading Me On- Hyrise. Warning: This video contain cliche boy band dancing and early 2000's clothes. Viewer discretion is advised.

7.) He's Ben Barnes. Part of a professional fan girls job is the research her featured celebrity to the point of stalking. From all that I've seen and read, he seems like a great guy. Sometimes, you project these ideas of how you think the guy really is and then they come up quite short, shattering you paper mache heart shaped hopes and dreams in their wake. But I don't think he's like that. From what I have gathered from my fan girl research, he seems like he would be the type of guy that would joke around and be silly with you then end the night cuddling on the couch watching the Princess Bride or Star Wars. I don't know about you, but that sounds like fan girl heaven to me. 

So, here you have it, these are the reason why I love good ole

 Benny Boo. If you love him now too, great! If not...well, we don't need you anyway. 

I can't make any promises, but I'm going to try to blog again Saturday and I hope to see some of you there. 

Love to all- except the none Ben Barnes lovers, we don't need thei

negativity here-
Catherine

*Another Catherine Note*: The title comes from a little phrase/motto between myself and my best friend Katie. It means nothing really and I can't remember how or when it came to be, but when in doubt, Ben Barnes. 

*And Another*: This post is purely for entertainment and giggles. I am not a paid Ben Barnes' spokeswomen or PR representative though I think he should hire me because I feel like I did a FANTASTIC job.

*Last one, I promise*: Ben, if you are reading this, I promise I an not insane, just and admirer so, call me ;)

What I did on my summer vacation-

So school has begun, well at least it has in Alabama, and with the beginning of school comes along the cliche "What I did during my summer vacation" essay that ever student supposedly writes every year, if you believe popular pop culture. I, however, have only written one, nearly ten year ago on my family's vacation where we all got the stomach virus. Such happy memories. So, since it's been a decade, I have decided to write my own essay on my summer vacation..well, what I have observed on my summer vacation.

First off, I have really had no summer vacation. I decided, in a whim of stupidity, that I needed to take summer classes that occupied most of my time this summer. That, along with my computer deciding to die a horrible death of horribleness, explains my long absence. But, nevertheless, I am back to infuse the world with my off handed humor and wisdom. You're welcome. Okay,back  to the task at hand. I have been on summer vacation for a grand total of 2 weeks. For 10 days of those two weeks I have been on a family vacation to, surprise surprise, Disney World. So, as I walked around the happiest place on Earth-usually with some sort of sweet or salty treat in my hand- I began to notice the crowd around me....it was all couples. I felt as in everyone I came in contact with was either celebrating an anniversary or engagement or their wedding or just simply taking a trip together so that they could suck face in the queue of a popular ride- like the couple in the Soarin' like where the guy was playfully biting his girlfriend's nose three feet away from me. (The worst part about that wasn't the cannibalistic public behavior but the fact that there were wearing practically the same shorts...Daisy Dukes. *shudder*) Nothing can bring a girl down faster from a cupcake induced sugar high that realizing that you are all alone in crowd of 100,000 plus couples. Yeah, happiest place on Earth all right. After I got through the emotional turmoil, I really began to look at these couples. Now, what I am about to say may never happen again, but I have to say it. *Deep breath* I was wrong. There I said it, I was wrong and I hate admitting that. For years I have believed that we, single people, were each in a dating league and we only dated within our league with very few exceptions that only manifest in the celebrity world. (Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, seriously, how did that happen?) But, from what I observed in my ten days at the happiest place on Earth was that there is no rhyme or reason under the sun or sea when it comes to matters of the heart. I saw in all, gorgeous guys with average guys, average girls with gorgeous guys, big guys with skinny girls, skinny guys with big girls. See what I mean, no rhyme or reason. Now, don't get me wrong, I saw plenty of gorgeous couples and average couples, couples that would have fit my now invalid theory, but they seemed to be few and far between.

So, what's the point of this, you ask. Well, besides me growing as a person by admitting that I'm wrong, it also restored my faith in the human race when it comes to the WWI battle trenches that I believe dating to be. (Love in a Battlefield- Pat Benatar. Not my usual 80's forte, but I think every female has jumped on her bed screaming the lyrics like in 13 Going on 30) Maybe, instead of it all being physical, as I have come to believe, the human society is looking at the heart first and not the head...or face. Isn't in the person inside that we need to be in love with and not the fun candy coating. The personality is what we should desire about the person, not the gorgeous eyes or strong jaw line or, my weakness, great, muscular, vein popping out forearms. (What can I say, I'm a freak)  But, should I throw myself (haha, like I could ever man up and do that) at every great pair of arms that comes my way and ignore the vein-less sweet guy that will flirt and make fun of me and laugh at my poor attempted jokes? As mentioned several times throughout the Bible, "Certainly not!"  Personality makes a person and, from what my limited dating knowledge is that personality can also make the face, so to speak. I have been in a relationship where I was not at all physically attracted to the guy, but, as I got to know him, I found myself more and more attractive to him. This is apparently what everyone else has figured out, except for me. I have been limiting myself to going after guys that I feel are on my level physically. And, when you feel like the only good feature on you face are your blue eyes and sometimes tamable hair on your head, you don't have much to go on. (No, I'm not fishing for a compliment- this isn't Facebook or Twitter- I'm just brutally honest with myself) But now, after my revelation, I know that love doesn't work like that. I could end up with a dorky guy with glasses and a bachelor's degree in compute science just as easily as I could end up with a gorgeous baseball player- I'll let you guess which one and, no, it's not Dan Uggla. It's all about chemistry. With the right guy (or girl if you are a guy and reading this) it won't matter what your jean size is or hair color or eye color or skin color, for that matter. The right person will be right. So, maybe, instead of working so hard to make over our outside, we work on making over our insides. And I'm preaching to myself here. I don't know if Blogger has a limited on how much you can write but a list of all of my personality shortcomings would probably test that theory. Luckily, these are things we can work on and change, unlike our physical appearance, unless you have a butt load of money cause insurance won't cover that... maybe under Obamacare because that's important. 

Now, after saying that, I do feel like that I have to added a little side note to all of this. Though personality is very important in our travels across this globe to find the proverbial  "One", physical attraction still plays a role in all of this. No matter how wonderful or compatible a personality is, if he/she can't curl your toes with a kiss, then it's probably not going to work. And it doesn't even have to go as far as a kiss to realize this. We all have friends, male or female, that have the greatest personality but, not matter what, you can't make yourself attracted to them. These individuals are usually the ones that we make our "If I don't get married by..." pacts with to assure that we won't be alone for the rest of out lives and that we can have children...though they will probably be adopted. 

So, what am I trying to say in all of this First, I was wrong. My whole system of dating that I developed roughly around the age of 18 is an utter and complete lie...please don't tell my best friends who already told me that I was wrong. Second, the person inside is the person worth looking for. Don't tell yourself that someone it "too attractive" for you or "not attractive enough". Give them, who they really are, a chance- you might just be suprised. Also, no matter what he looks like, he's (or she's) not worth it if he doesn't love the Lord or you the way you should be. From what I have seen of the world, some "10"s have really crappy personalities and some "5"s can make you heart sing.  So, find someone that makes you heart sing or laugh or whatever you are looking for in life. 

Love,

Catherine 

Don't Worry Baby...

In the summer of 1964, legendary rock/pop,California surf boy icons the Beach Boys released a song titled, "Don't Worry Baby." Through my life, I have heard this song countless times- more notably as the ending ballad to Drew Barrymore's Never Been Kissed, a fairy tale, feel good movie if there ever was one. This past spring, while studying for the Cell Bio final from the underworld, this very same song popped up on my Pandora stream and was instantly in love.I don't know if it was because I was laying outside, trying to sun kiss my inherited fair Viking, British skin and it reminded me of summer time or it reminded me of my youth, but I was soon hooked on the songs three verses and catchy chorus.

The other day, while jamming out in my car to this very tune- it hit me. I love this song most of all for what it's trying to say in the three verses and catchy chorus. Here I was, listening shallowly to the ridculously good harmony (those boys had their act together-literally) that I missed the point of the song- don't worry baby. Whether this point was intended or not, the lyrics were and are very substantial. Don't believe me? Read the lyrics of the chorus for yourself.

But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright



"Don't worry baby." The Beach Boys decided to repeat this phrase 18 times in this song, sometimes followed with the words of comfort- "everything will turn out alright". And I realized what drew me to this song. It wasn't the catchy tune or melodious harmony- it was the simple message to ease my anxiety.




Who all of us here suffer from some sort of anxiety? My hand shot straight up, how about yours? Every day we are faced with something that worries us, whether is be grades, relationships, the state of the country, your mortgage, your job or even the cliffhanger from you favorite T.V. show. Many sleepless nights had occured over the simple fact that we can't get whatever worries us out of our heads.

In the past I have had many sleepless nights like this, most a result from school. "Did we have homework?" "What if I did the wrong assignment?" "I accidentally saw someone else's paper- does that mean that I cheated?" I can remember all of those little meaningless questions keeping me up for hours into the night. Luckily though, I have an understanding mother who would calm my active conscience and assure me that "everything will turn out alright."

Now, that I'm an adult, my worries have changed to- "I hope I get into the grad school I want" and "What if I never get married?" followed closely by "What if I never have kids?"

My worries may seem like trivial things to you- but they are big thing to me and have, sadly enough, brought me to tears on more than one occasion. But, that's when I need to remember the comforting words of the Beach Boys- don't worry baby, everything will turn out alright.

Still not comforted? How about these words from Matthew 6:34?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Or Luke 12:22

"Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on"



Now, don't go around telling everyone that I have said that all we have to do is lay back and everything God will handle everything. He still expects us to do what it needed to ease these worries. If I want to get into a certain Grad school- then I have to study hard and take the GRE. Divine intervention won't get me into school- I have to make an effort.

Or, if I guy that I'm interested in rejects me- which, despite my good looks and charming personality, happens (That's sarcasm for those of you who didn't pick up on that)- it doesn't mean that I am a witless and dull, ogre-like looking woman. It just means that he's not he right one or it's not the right time and props to me for even taking the initiative and putting myself out there-something I'm often to scared to do.




What I am really trying to say is, if you do everything you are suppose to do, don't worry about things you have no control over. As long as you have done everything you need to succeed, whether it be in school or relationships or life in general, don't worry about the outcome. Just place your trust in God's hands. And don't worry if they don't work out in a way that you want them to. Paul wrote in Rom. 8:28 " And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" There is a reason why things work out the way that they do- and we are definitely not wise enough to understand God's purpose in every single decision. But, how many times have you looked back on a past even in you life that maybe didn't work out the way you wanted and saw God's blessings in it? In the meme world, we would say "I see what you did there".




I'm really preaching to myself in this but hopefully someone else will take some comfort out of it.



So, the next time you are worried, whether it be tomorrow or a year from now, just remember- don't worry baby, everything will turn out all right.




Lots of love,

Catherine