My new beauty trend: The Calcium Bentonite Clay Mask.

More than a year ago I purchased a tub of calcium bentonite clay from a local GNC. I had seen an idea for a body wrap on pinterest and decided to try it for my brother's upcoming wedding. Well, I never did it and the powder eventually got lost in my bathroom cabinet only to be rediscovered a few weeks ago. Curious about this mysterious powder that's supposed to be very beautifying and beneficial, I took to the Google to figure out what it did. It seems that calcium bentonite clay has a list of benefits of which it boasts with its biggest one being that it's the "World's Most Powerful Facial"! Yes, I had the world's most powerful facial under my sink and didn't even know it! One YouTube video later and I was whipping up my new mask. 

The calcium bentonite clay mask works by supposedly pulling the toxins in your skin to the surface so that you can wash them away. It also increases blood flood to you face and I can say for experience, it sure does. You can actually feel your face pulsate, which is what the bottle (tub? container thingy?) says!

It was surprisingly easy to whip just. Just add equal part clay and water/ apple cider vinegar (what I use) in a plastic bowl and stir with a plastic spoon. That's it. And the bowl and spoon must be plastic or paper or wooden- not metal. Not to get to sciencey on you but calicum bentonite clay carries a negative charge- which is what makes it beneficial for beautifying. If the powder was to be added to a metal bowl, the charge would be transferred to the bowl and therefore not have the beautifying power it needs!

Almost dry mask of pulsating fun!

Once whipped up, just smooth in on your skin and relax. You will quickly start feeling the blood pulse through your skin as the mask does its work. After 5-20 minutes, depending on you skin type, rinse it off. I personally follow up with my usually face care routine and apply toner, then moisturizer. It's just that simple.

I have only been doing this mask for a week- only three times- and I already love it. It's quick, easy, doesn't break out my skin, and it removing toxins! How much better could you get?

I hope you all try it out and let me know how it work for you!

Peace, love and beauty,

Catherine 

  

My love affair with Harry Potter:

I honestly can't remember them moment I heard about Harry Potter. If I had to guess, it was probably because of the big hype that was surrounding it in the south where I live. There was a group rallying for it to be taken out of school libraries and other places like that since it promoted witch craft and was, therefore, an abomination. My dad,a Christian preacher, even preached a lesson about it around this same time. In my pre-teen year old state- when I had the attention span of a fruit fly- I highly misinterpreted his message. I thought he was saying that we shouldn't read books like that. So, color me confused when he brought home the first movie- on VHS- on day that summer. 

"So, we can watch this?" the eleven year old me asked, probably examining the rectangular box on a boy on a broom stick and some very, hairy man.

"Yes, did you not listen to my lesson at all?" I was caught.

"I thought you said these were bad."

I sure he probably rolled his eyes at me at this point- that sounds like him.

"No, you can."

That night, my family had a movie night and I was introduced to the magical world of Harry Potter. I think, back in those days, we had the movie for a week. And I watched it every single day. I was in love, I was obsessed. (Though probably not as bad as the A Knight's Tale VHS rental of 2002- but that's a different story) I remember even staying behind one night while my entire family went to my little brother's baseball game so that I could sit in my bed and watch it again, with a bowl of white rice. I was sad to see it turned in, but happy to know that the next one was coming out that fall! 

However, though I loved the movie and was excited about the next one- I didn't want to read the books. They were too long and I, in my infinite 13 year old snobbdom, didn't want to look like a nerd reading nerdy books...because that's nerdish. Also, I didn't like reading in my spare time. There were backstreet boys CDs to listen to and Lizzis McGuire episodes to watch. 

So I threw Harry and it world into the back of my mind until November. November 22, 2002- if I remember the day correctly. No matter what date it was, I remember that it was a Sunday and my friend L asked me if I wanted to go see the new Harry Potter movie with her after church. Though I'm sure I played it off really cool, inwardly I was ecstatic! After church, we headed to the nearest movie theater, which was 20 miles away and they were sold out. I was disappointed! Luckily, her parents, who just happen to be some of my parents best friends at the time, were quick on their feet and bought tickets for that night's showing. We headed back home, went to church then jumped in the car immediately afterwards to head back to the movies. 

I remember sitting in the theater with my friend L besides, munching on popcorn and drinking probably Dr. Pepper out of my large, Harry Potter promotional plastic cup and watching one of the greatest movies of my life. I don't think I had ever been drawn so much. I watched a boy, young boy, a boy that was my age, endure so much including risking his own well being in a slithering sanctuary of evil for his best friends little sister. Then, on top of that, he gets stabbed with a basilisk fang while trying to slay the terrible beast.(For those of you who don't know, basilisk venom is very poisonous and will kill you within minutes) As I watch the young, too young, hero die, I began to cry. It didn't matter to me that somewhere, in the back on my brain, I knew that there were going to be 7 books and, therefore, they couldn't kill off their main character. All I knew in that moment was that a boy my age was dying, he was so brave, but he was dying. I don't think I could ever fully describe what I felt at the moment, maybe enough words haven't been invented, but the heartbreaking scene was my entrance into the world I have come to know and love. 

The next day, I checked out the first book from the school library. 

Do you remember those accelerated reading test you could take at the school library to get points...well, not to brag, but I got the most points that year in my grade. Within a month, I blew through all of the available Harry Potter books (there were only 4 at the time) and left hungry for more. The next book wasn't coming out until my birthday (holla) so I started picking up other books that seemed interesting. You see, Harry Potter started my reading obsession. If it wasn't for that little book series, I wouldn't have the 30ish books I have stashed under my bed, night stand and closet or the boxes of books I have at my old house in storage plus the Word files I have on my computer filled with my favorite fanfiction. (Oh fanfiction, how I love you.) 

And it wasn't enough for my to just read. I wanted to write. Ever since I was young, I would make my storied in my head- all involving a white horse name Rose- but I would never write them down. My freshman year of high school, one of my friends introduced me to fan fiction and, by my junior year- I had began writing one. Now, as of this date- I have started three and only finished one. Bad, I know, but I've moved on to bigger and better things- a book of my own, completely original (except for the ancient legends that surround the premise and plot) Any free moment I have from making thousands of flash cards and writing chemical equations, I'm writing it. In fact, as this very moment it is open on my desk top waiting for me to finish the 12th chapter. 

I say all of that to say this- Harry Potter changed my life in more ways than one. I read now because of it. I write now because of it. I have a Quaffle in my closet because of it. I can't believe now that I used to think it was nerdy and just for nerds. I am now PROUDLY one of those nerdy nerds because it has made me be the person I was, but too afraid to show. (I've always been a little nerd, I just tried to fight against it to be cool)

Now, here comes the hard part. I could sit here all day and tell you how Harry Potter has changed my life, but it doesn't scratch the surface of the real impact it has had on me. I have said it so many times before, and this won't be the last, but I have a very strong emotional connection with Harry Potter. I will never forget July 16th, 2007- the day the last book came out. Of course, I was there at midnight, dressed to the nines at Ginny Weasley. (my favorite character. She had to put up with 6 brothers and was the girl you shouldnt' mess with- my hero) You could literally feel the excitement pulsing through library. Everyone, from Snape to Umbridge to Cho to Harry flying Buckbeak was there, all chatting away happily about the ten year ere of magic ending that night with the final chapters. And I was the saddest one in the crowd. I wanted the book more than anything, but I didn't want the magic to end. The previous five years of my life had been full of magic and wonder. The characters were my friends, I loved them all. And their fates were going to be determined in a cover bound book. What if Ginny or Hermione or Ron or, dare I not think it, Harry died? How would I pull myself up from that emotional turmoil. 

Yes, I know that they are "just characters" and "aren't real", but there's something about have an emotional investment in a book, that they are real to you. My family thinks I'm insane, I'm sure. I remember the night I read that Dumbledore had died (also known as the day the book came out, I read it in a day). I walked into my parents room sobbing. My mom, being the loving and caring mother that she is, inquired as to why I was blubbering like a baby.

"He's dead, Dumbledore is dead." I wailed. 

"He's not real, they are just books." So much for caring. 

Yes, he's not real and they are just books, but it was so much more than that. I loved him and I knew that his death was going to have serious impact on Harry's fate in the next one, especially since Dumbledore was the one who really knew what all was going on.

Dumbledore wasn't the only death that brought me to tears. I won't ever mention Dobby's death here. The music score from part 1 alone can reduce me to tears.   

But back to the night of the last book release. I was sick in my stomach, waiting for the clock to strike midnight and to be handed my copy of their fate. I had to wait in a line that wrapped around the whole library and I was at the front with all of the others who had reserved copies- thanks to my mom for surprising me and reserving me a special edition copy. The whole time, I didn't speak. Instead I clutched my other purchases for the evening and tried to mental prepare myself for what I was about to receive. Luckily my best friends, K and Lee were there to try to cheer me up. K who was the only one in the reserved line with me, kept her arm around me the whole time and kept offering tiny words of encouragement. If any moment solidified K and my relationship as bestest of all best friends- it was that moment. She knew how I was feeling. As I got closer and closer to the end, the tears began to well up in my eyes. My "childhood" was coming to an end. I was 18, starting college in the fall, and my favorite books series was ending- how poetic. 

By fate or luck, the guy who checked me out was dressed as Harry. As he handed me my book, my very special book, the tears began to drip down my face. I was trying to hold them back through the whole check out process, but my eyes were like dams about to break. And they did, as soon as transactions ended. 

K was right behind me and, through great efficiency on Barnes and Noble's part, so were the other member of my party. I was a sobbing mess by the parking lot. K put her around around me and talked to me, all which is caught on film. (Thanks Laura) We were able to snap one quick picture of us all smiling, holding our books up high, before we all scattered to our respective homes. 

The pages of that book at spotted with the tears I cried while reading it. I still have an attachment to it. Only two people have touched it since I bought it, my older brother who took when I got home to read the ending and me.I have only read it a few times since then, and only as part of my pre-movie book reading agenda. For some reason, I can bring myself to read it more that necessary.   

There were only three movies left when the final book came out, but they seemed to go by so fast. Each movie earned its own party thrown at my house (with the wonderful cooperation of my parents). The last was by far the best. Just think Gatsby Harry Potter themed party. Okay, maybe not that glamorous, but you get my drift. I spent a ridiculous amount of time making decorations- including my favorite, a furry Monster Book of Monsters- and even more than I want to admit on food. But I was my last sha-bang! 

I cried the whole movie- even at parts that weren't sad. But, as the ere grew to a close with the sweet notes of John William's "Hedwig's Theme" playing, the tears were happy. It ended like it was always supposed to- with magic. 

It's been months since I've watched any of the movies and years since I've read the books, I can't really bring myself to do it. It's odd. They are something that I love so much, that I am incredibly passionate about, but entering into that world again need emotional preparation on my part. So, I keep them safe for now in hopes of one day sharing their magic with my sister and my own children. 

In the end, it's really simple. I love Harry Potter. I have read 4195 pages of love, friendship and sacrifice. I have made friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione. I have mourn the deaths of Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore, Hedwig, Mad-Eye, Dobby, Fred, Remus, Tonks and Harry himself. And at the end of it all, all I can say it "All was well". 

My Love Affair with Makeup:

Hello lovelies! I am back from my unexpected hiatus.  Lucky for me, all of my professors this semester decided that my exams were best scheduled two at a time with no breaks! Yay! I honestly don't know how my mind has survive until now. However, I think that the worst is over now so you will be hearing a lot more from me. I know, I know- you're excited but please, try to contain yourself.

So, I have made an executive decision about my blog. So far I have written about my poor attempts at finding love, my favorite men and a little on my favorite fandoms. But, from now on, I think I am going to switch gears on my little pink blog and actually swerve into the beauty lane. Yes, this will partly be a beauty blog. Now, of course I will still have my hot men rants and Disney post and funny stories regarding my life and the life of those around me, but I will also be dealing out my knowledge and tips I've learned regarding makeup, hair, skincare and fashion. I super excited about this because I love all things girly as well as all things nerdy! So, here we go with my first beauty post.

Since a very young age, I have loved makeup. In fact, one of my favorite pictures of myself as a toddler was one where I was standing on my parent's toilet with baby powder on my face and bright red lipstick smeared all over my lips. Even at the rip old age of three, I could wait to be a big girl and wear makeup.
I'm am now 24 and have been wearing makeup for at least the last 11 years. And through those 11 years, I have learned many tip and tricks of the makeup world. You see, no one taught me how to put on makeup. My poor mother-who is the most beautiful women in the world- never wears any makeup. And if she does, she is absolutely clueless as to how to apply it or buy it. (I'm completely serious, a few years ago she sent me to the store with a handful of cash to buy her makeup because she didn't even know what to buy) Because of this, I had to rely on observation and later YouTube videos to teach myself about the wonderful world of makeup. And I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think I have gotten skilled at doing it- on myself at least.

Now- before I go any further- I have to tell you that my makeup routine is exactly that- a routine. Yes, I mix it up a little now and then, but I usually don't venture far. Let me explain why. I feel like many girls use their makeup to try to change how they look. They use over exaggerated colors, liners and contouring to change their entire face. I am not like that. I believe that make up should be used to enhance every girls natural beauty. Every single girl out there is beautiful! It really breaks my heart when I see girls out their trying to hide themselves and change themselves by overdoing their face and not letting their true beauty shine through. Less really is more, especially when it comes to a basic day look, and that's how I feel like I do my make up.

Okay, little rant over. Now onto the real meat of this post- me and my make routine. As my maiden voyage as a beauty blogger I am going to show you how I do my makeup and share a list of my favorite products.

My Daily Makeup Routine:

First thing, always start with a clean face. Cleaning your face is really important when it comes to doing makeup because this stuff literally clogs your pores which can lead to ance- and no one like ance. (One day I may do a post on my skin care routine and how I determined which skin care routine was good for me.)

Look Mom, I'm on the internet with no makeup

First step first- concealer. Now matter how clean and clear your skin is, every girl is bound to get a few zits in her life time. Then, on top of that, with age comes dark circles that no one particularly wants peaking through. Through trial and error, I have discovered two concealers that I absolutely love!!! They are the Maybelline 24-Hour Concealer and Hard Candy's Glamoflauge. Though they are both liquid concealers, I really consider them to be in different forms. The Maybelline concealer comes in a tube and has an application wand for, well, application. For the past few months, I have been primarily using Glamoflauge but the Maybelline tubes are great to through in your bag for touch ups- which is why I am including them in this post. The Glamoflauge has stolen my heart. You only need a little bit to go a long way and it stays on a long time. Yay! It comes in a tube and can be applied with a sponge or, my preferred way, by using a beauty blender. Now, if you don't know what a beauty blender is, it is that little tear shaped pink sponge you see on the makeup aisle. They can be used dry or damp to apply liquid make up and they blend magnificently! (Just in case you were wondering) These products are both cheap ($6 for the Glamoflague and under $8 for the Maybelline) and are both products I would recommend. 

Now, for foundation. Back in March, I took the plunge and entered into a relationship with Bare Essentials. From then on, we have been in love. Yes, it is more expensive than normal powder or foundation you can buy, but it is totally worth it. It covers like a DREAM!!! It's light and, like the Glamoflague, it stays put all day. And I mean it, there are days when I would come home from school and still look fresh. Applying it might seems intimidating- they do give you a brush and specific instructions- but it really is simple. You pour a little in the cap, swirl your brush in it, tap off the excess then buff it onto your skin. After applying it, you might feel like a wizard with the crazy make up magic you just performed. 

Now, this next part is a little controversial. Some girls do their blush next, I do my eyes. First, I use an eyelid primer. I recently started using eyelid primer and so far I really haven't noticed a different in my length of stay for my eyeshadow but I am still using it so, who knows. Here comes the next controversial part! I don't use eyeliner in the conventional sense. I personally hate the way that eyeliner looks- it looks unnatural and actually makes most peoples, mine included, eyes looks smarted. Who wants to make their eye look smaller? They are the "gateway to the soul". Instead, I tight line. Now, tight lining is something that I can get behind. Instead of applying eyeliner in the conventional sense, I only use eyeliner to fill in the little gaps between my eyelashes. This doesn't make your eyes look smaller and, instead, really fills in your eyelashes to make them look thicker! How awesome it that? 

And now for the third controverisal part, I only wear brown and neutral eyeshadow tones. Most guys notice a girls eyes before anything else. Using colors that compliment your eye colors will really make your eyes stand out and really pop. That's why I, a blue eye girl, use brown whereas brown eye beauties should use more purples and blues and green eye girlies should use more greens and golds. By choosing complimenting colors, people will look at your beautiful eyes instead of your eyeshadow. 

Then I apply blush. Blush is about the simplest part of my makeup routine. Now, with blush, it's important to choose one that compliments your actually coloring and won't make you look, well, like a clown. Oh man, I actually saw a girl today at school who hadn't learn this concept and I could only look at her bright pink blush, and not her face. My personal favorite blush is Pink Blush 04 by Clinque. It's simple and soft and would probably match with most skin tones. 

After blush I apply a bronzer, if needed. Did you all read that- if NEEDED! We have all passed girls that are two different colors- tan faces and pale necks. Though I am probably guilty of doing that at least once, make sure to match your makeup well and blend it appropriately into you neck to avoid this common mistake.  Believe me, it's okay to put makeup on you neck ans even your chest- you won't be breaking some unwritten rule. When applying bronzer, apply it to you neck and chest also so that everything matches and to avoid that carnal makeup sin. Then set your makeup with powder or mineral veil- for us Bare Essentials users- to complete your look with you favorite lip stick or gloss. I personally love Utla's Brilliant Color lipgloss in 15. It's a beautiful shade that looks more like a shiny lipstick when on instead of a shimmering lip gloss. Sometimes, if I want a little shimmer, I'll layer a shimmery gloss over it- particularly a Revlon Shade that I can't find at the moment. 

And done! That's better.

Sorry for the bad lighting- blame my bathroom.

And now I'm ready to face the world. (Get it, face? Because I put on my face!)

I hope you have enjoyed my first beauty post. Comment or subscribe/ follow if you really enjoy post like this and I'll be sure to write more. 

Lots of love,

Catherine

Love 'Em, but Don't Date 'Em.

A few weeks ago, I decided to go through my 'Random' Pinterest to rediscover all of the funny things I have pinned over the past two years. During this exploration, I cam across a blog post title: "Fictional Boys We All Want to Date Who Would Make Awful Boyfriends." I don't know about you, but we you see a title like that, you have to stop and read. And that's just what I did. Being a fan girl, I have fictional relationships with many fictional characters, my most notable relationships being with Nathan Scott, Emmett Cullen and the-Boy-Who-Lived himself, Harry Potter. As much as I have enjoyed my fictional relationships, I have never stepped back and examined to see if they were good boyfriend material or not. So, as I was rereading it I thought to myself, "Hey, I should make a list of my own." So, that's what I am doing. I have examined all of my favorite fandoms and created my own list of the men we all want but who are probably not boyfriend material. 

I know that you are all on pins and needles waiting for this life altering list so here it is:

Catherine's List of Fictional Hotties Who Would Make Bad Boyfriends:

1. Sherlock Holmes. Yes, the Baker Street resident is the first hottie but a boyfriend nottie on the list. If you haven't watch the brilliant BBC series Sherlock, then I am half tempted to tell you to stop reading this right now and go watch- it's amazing. Each episode of an hour and a half of twist, turns and witty banter. And, if you are anything like me, you slowly fall into love with the lead character's brain, wit and cheekiness. He's like British bad boy in a trench coat. So, why does this crime solving genius make the list? Well- he's kinda a cocky jerk. Sherlock knows he smart and often rubs that face in others faces. He is always so attentive to detail, the thing that makes him a genius detective, but sometimes his little 'talent' enables him to point out truths in people they were trying to hide- which usually embarrassed them. (See season 2, episode 1) Maybe he had the Sheldon complex and is oblivious to what he does and how it can hurts others, but-for the times being- Sherlock should be carefully admired from a far, where you are safe from his all observing eye and his filter less mouth. 
2. Captain America. "The gasp heard around the worlds", that's what they should call the scene in the recent blockbuster when little Steve Rodgers steps out of the greatest machine ever created, ever and every women's mouth drops at the sheer sexiness that is Captain America. He is the America dream. He beautiful, build like a Greek god and wears a military uniform like it was designed especially for him. Then, on top of the physical, he's a good guy- the guy that would hold the door for you, and bring you flowers, politely walk you do the door after every date and only give you a kiss on the cheek and not try to test you boundaries. He would be the type of boy that every girl's mother and father would want her to date. So, why does he make this list. Well, the little serum that transformed little Steve Rogers into a strapping young man also messed with his genetics and how his ages- or lack there of. Dating a none aging man just doesn't sound fun to me. You would get old, everything would start to sag and drupe and he would still look every Abercrombie model rolled up into one. Not the type of lasting relationship a girl wants, is it? Therefore, the captain makes this list.
3. And onto another captain, Captain Jack Sparrow. Who doesn't love this good guy/ bad guy scallywag pirate? One, he's play by the undeniably dersirable Johnny Depp, the only man on this planet that can make manliner sexy. It's a fact, jack! Then, he wears those sexy pirate clothes and carries a manly sword and you are in love. If you know the movies, then it might be kinda obvious why he's definitely not boyfriend material. However, it this is not the case- then I'm here to break it down for you. Despite his sexiness and sword, he is a pirate and pirates are notoriously bad boyfriends. He's always running around the opening seas, stealing to boot, and them stopping into Tortuga to meet up with Gisette and Victoria, probably on the same night. Pirates don't follow laws- their pirates- and I down that he would follow the laws of boyfriend as well. 
4. Edward Cullen. Like most girls, I fell in love with he mysterious vampire in Forks, Washington. Though I did eventually reassign my romantic ties to his gorgeous, buff older adoptive brother, I was "irrevocably" in love with the copper headed child of the night. He was handsome, mysterious, musical and romantic. What more could a seventeen year old girl want? Well, good ole Ed may not be the best boyfriend material. Now- before you get your pitch forks and burn me at the stake, hear me out. According to Pinterest, Edward and Bella's relationship meets many of the qualifications of an abusive relationship. Personally, I don't know if that is true or not- but let's face it, their relationship is a little odd. First, he comes into her bedroom and watches her sleep. Umm...creepy. Maybe this would be romantic if I slept like a perfect angel at night, but considering I kick, drool and do who knows what else after the Sandmand visits, I really would want some boy watching me. Also, he makes everything so serious. Yes, their is a little more flirting and fun in the books- but if you have ever seen the movies you would have to agree that boytoy needs to take a chill pill. Goodness! Some girls might like that time of serious at all time, but it would drive me crazy. 
5. Thor. Yes, the Norse god of thunder comic book sensation also makes this list. Most of us females have limited our exposure to the blockbuster movie that came out a few years ago.(The sequel is coming out this fall- hallelujah) And in the movies, the blessed superhero is played by the one and only Chris Hemsworth and his holy biceps of happiness. Seriously? Have you seen those puppies? They are bigger than my face! And though he needs to lose the pride and gain some humility in the movie, he still has the charming princes personality that this girl loves. So, why does he make this list. A relationship with Thor would be the ultimate long distant relationship. I mean, the boy lives in an entirely different world where phone calls and FaceTime our out of the question. As much as I want to be cuddle in those huge arms and held against to that strong, hard chest- those embraces would come few and far in between- unfortunately. 
6. Sirus Black. Of all of the mauders, I could probably say that he is the one with the most fan girl following. From the descriptions in the book of their glory days, you imagine a man of good boy, rebel sexiness. (I mean, he was in Gryfinndor and his family was strictly Slytherin- and that didn't sit too well with good ole Mr. and Mrs.) He was a jokerster, loyal and willing to fight and die for a cause- he was like the Josh Hartnett in Pearl Harbor equivalent in the wizarding wars. (Okay, that might be a bad analogy but he's the only hot war guy I can think of off the top of my head) So, why does Mr. Black make the list. Well- first, he has that whole murder charge places upon his sexy head. Now, we all know that he didn't actually do if (and if you didn't, spoiler alert) but his twelve year stay in Azkaban makes him a less than desirable boyfriend. And then, when he does finally get out- he spends his time running from the law, usually as a black dog, and still not desirable for a relationship. As much as we all love Sirus, and we do, being with the sexy sorcerer isn't going to happen- unless its back in his Hogwart's days. 
7. Doctor Who. *ducks to avoid flying objects* Good people of blogger, listen to me. Yes, we all love the Doctor and we all, despite our best attempts to not be charmed by his charm and wit, fall under his spell. Ladies, we have to face it- if would make a terrible boyfriend. Even if you were his companion for a considerate amount of time- no amount could replace the fact that he loves Rose and River. And if we could, would he really be around for the long haul? The poor Doctor's tract record with women isn't the best. Rose has gone to a separate dimension with a human 10th Doctor. Martha loved the doctor but never earned his love in return. And River is, according to the last episode of this past season, dead. But even she, his own wife, spent her year filtering in and out of time, never really being able to be with the one he loves because they were moving in two different directions. A relationship with the Doctor just wouldn't work. Now, we can all cry together. 
8. Han Solo. Who doesn't love the Star Wars bad boy perfectly played by Harrison Ford. I mean, have you seen him in that costume with his little boots, pants (including gun holster) and fluffy 70's hair. He was like a galaxy biker who really had a sweet, soft heart. He's the only guy who can respond to a declaration of love with "I know" and it was totally hot. If any other guy did that, they girl would end up in tears and the guy might get slapped.  But he owns it. So why is he on this list? Well, though he is tall, dark and handsome- he's also a bootlegging, sometimes cocky, can be jerk with a huge bounty on his head. Not exactly what you want in a relationship. Then, he spends an unknown number of months frozen in carbonite- so I'm sure that would put a damper on the relationship. Maybe,eventually, he would be good enough for a true, committed relationship- but during the rebel wars, it's better to just stay away. 

So, what do you think of my list? Who would you add and/or delete?

Love and happiness to all.
-Catherine

He's Just Not That Into You?

Without a doubt, every woman- young or old- has heard this phrase at least once in their life. Goodness, there is even a book and movie that claim it as it's title and center around the complex relationship we weave in and out of on this planet. Unfortunately, for me, this is the exaggerated yet accurate description of my love life. Questions like this keep me up into the morning hours, wondering what in the goodness, gracious Earth is going on between me and some guy. Why can't their be a manual that lays down every questioning move a guy does and interprets it in a cute, color coded form- most likely typed in the cliche Curlz font- for times like this when my head is reeling and my heart is breaking? Because life is not meant to be easy, Catherine. So, I as I sit here in Starbucks like a pretentious poser, typing away on my Dad's borrowed laptop and sipping my iced mocha lite, I can't help but wonder....is he just not into me? 

The he, for the purpose of this post, will remain anonymous but is a real, real person, I assure you. And the me, sadly enough, is me. I'm the girl who's heart is in a limbo between breaking and happiness- unsure which way I will be pulled. Every move and word can be interpreted into a certain connotation, both positive or negative, and it's up to me and me alone to figure out which one is the truth. Luckily, I have my girls- K and Aim- who are trying to help me along the way but it's not always enough. Each couple- and I mean that as two individuals that are not strictly in a relationship as opposed to the traditional meaning- are unique as to how they communicate and relate in their relationship. What he might do with one girl, may be different for me- it's like the relative theory on dating. And, unlike the variables in calculus, they aren't easily applied to each relationship. So,I sit her trying to communicate each little move as it applies to me and him, no him and another girl or me and another guy or even the relationships that K and Aim have had. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Which brings me back to an earlier point- why can't their be a manual? Sure, their are Internet articles and the ever popular Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book that have guided so many relation-less women towards a higher understanding of the opposite sex- but can it be applied to me? Or are we different? And how do some girls have this all figured out. We all know those girls that go from relationship to relationship, always able to find another guy. It's these girls that we all wish we were like. But, do even they have it figured out? Or do we just think that they do? Maybe they are as clueless as we are, but the dating odds are just in their favor. 

Now, you may be wondering where I am going with all of this. Honestly, I don't really know where I am going with all of this so I guess I'll start from the beginning. Luckily, I think the possibility of the him actually reading this is about a likely as me winning a million dollars so I think I'll be safe sharing all of this and it won't come back to bite me on the butt. Despite my apprehensions, or lack there of, I need to get this out some way and writing is my avenue. 

So, there is this guy. It's crazy to think of how many conversations I have begun with that same sentence but that's the only way I can begin this story. There is this guy that I have know for quite a while and I have always had an interest in him, romantically. Way back when, we had a short lived, teenage relationship that inevitable failed, but I have always had some sort of interest in him. I can't pin point what the interest was about, whether is be an attraction to his personality, or the way he made me fell or the fact that I find him the most attractive man I have ever met, it's always been there. I have dated other guys but in between my failed relationships, my thoughts have always returned to him. It's like he's the flame and I'm the moth- I'm drawn to him. 

After a few years of pursuing a failed potential relationship with him, I eventually decided that it's not going to happen- that ship as sailed. But, it were those moments where I thought I was out that he would come swooping in.

Lauren Conrad gets me. But that's honestly how it goes. I leave one little happy birthday message on a Facebook wall and suddenly I'm at a midnight movie with the guy I swore off. How does that happen?

In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have gone because then I wouldn't be here, questioning what is and isn't going on. But, coulda, woulda, shoulda. So, I went to this midnight movie with him, the guy of my affection and attraction for years and had a fabulous time and he hugged me and told me he wanted to hang out again and left me at my car with more questions then when I went in with. 
I thought that maybe I was getting my chance that I had been pining for for years. He wanted to see me again. He hugged me. Maybe I charmed and smiled enough for him to actually want to see me again. I tried to be the most charming Catherine I could be and maybe it had finally worked! All of my bad relationship luck had to pay of sometime, maybe this was it. So, I was high of the euphoric feeling that things were going my way until evey attempt to hang out during the winter break was met with a dead end. Maybe he didn't really want to hang out with me, maybe it was all in my head. It certainly made sense, he was goregous and interesting and I'm just Catherine who sucks at life and love. This was just who we are. 
So, I set my sights on getting over him again and he didn't make it easy for me. I would get twitter favorites and Facebook likes that would set my mind reeling my fingers texting to my besties for interpretation. The most confusing this came around Valentine's day with a comment (regarding my love life) on a Facebook tag post I did and that was he took down within 20 minutes- K, counted.  Could it be that he thought I would think it was mean OR was he showing me his metaphorical hand? Maybe I'll never know. 
Nevertheless, the world went on and I tried to move on. Moving on would have been easier if I had someone to move on with, but that was not the case for me. I told myself what I had told myself before- "He's not into you", "he's not interested" and the every popular "It's never going to happen." In fact, I think that I have a better chance at dating the cute baseball player from my last post that ever getting a chance with this guy again- and I mean that in all honesty. 

Determined and quite used to the routine, I  was getting over him. I didn't check his Facebook or Twitter, I didn't care- he and I were only two people living on the same planet and nothing more. I even tried to develop a friends with benefits relationship -for me, that only means kissing- with a hot guy friend that would never date me to help with the physical relationship withdraws that I was having 
Then he texted me. One night, when I was finally happy and my phone was dead, he decided that he wanted to watch a movie and wondered if I want to join. All of the damage control I had done over the pass months was undone with a little text message. Maybe I never truly put up the walls that I need to. I used 2 x 4s and wood glue where clearly concrete blocks and cement were needed. 
 I couldn't hang out with him that night, I was nearly two hours away and not at home for the weekend since I stared school Monday. But my rejection to his invitation didn't stop him from carrying on a conversation until 1 the next morning- even though I tried to go to bed. 
I couldn' t help but wonder what had brought this all on. Had he wanted to try to see me for months but he couldn't until now due to his work schedule and living hours away? Or was he just trying to use me for my extensive DVD collection? I affixated on the first, assured that I was what he wanted and not my extended edition copy of Return of the King. 
We talked the next night, instigated by me, for almost 3 hours. The conversation seemed as effortless as the night before. I even think he was pausing his video game to talk to me and I'm told that  that means something. Was this going to be my life now? Would he and I spend the nights texting then slowly edging into talking on the phone? I hoped so. We might be separated by hundred of miles but I think we both have good long distance cell plans and unused minutes, I could have worked. And I wanted it to. I thought that maybe this was my time, that God had may our possible relationship wait until the opportune moment for both of us. Even the shuffle on my iPod seemed a lot more optimistic- Don't Worry Baby seemed to played more than normal. Even I seemed more opened and optimistic about love and relationships and I'm a cynical, realist that is sure that I'm not getting married.  
The boy of my interest for a decade finally acted like he wanted to see me and by George was I going to make sure we got to hang out at least once before he left. 
After nearly two weeks after his first instigation, we finally did hang out. And I screwed it all up. Glad to see that I haven't lost my old ways at ruining any chance for happiness with him. 
He came over to my nearly bare, on the market house and we watched a movie. Well, we sorta watched a movie- he was too busy checking his fantasy football league on his cell phone while I was text K and Aim so I didn't see like a lifeless loser. This was not at all how I expected it to go. In my mind, we would talk and laugh and all but forget about the movie. He would try his best just to touch my hand or arm and every time he did, I was smile, never looking at him and, at the end of the night, we would have a romantic Hollywood goodbye and leave with a promise of doing it again sometime soon. But that's the thing about expectations- they hardly every match up with reality. 
Now, don't get me wrong, we did talk and laugh and was had a serious conversation that may me realize that I just wasn't physically attracted to him, I was attracted to who he was. And I thought maybe I was getting to him, in a good way. He was give me these little side ways glances and bring up our past relationship even as far as to ask me what perfume I wore when we were together because he remembered it. But there were times where I felt clueless as to what I should say or do next and ten minute long stretches of silent that may me wonder if his possible interested was only in my head. 
And the fact that he look impeccable good didn't help either. I think I had forgotten he could look in a t-shirt and his arms were.....well, I let you imagine how good his arms looked. 
The night wasn't as awkward as I thought it would have been but it wasn't as comfortable and easy as I had hoped it would have been. I guess it was whatever a medium between the two would be...awkwortable? 
Now that the movie was over, there was one this we had to do- say goodbye. Like a good little girl, I walked him to his car, in the dark since my outside lights must be out. He told me that he had a good time and that we should do it again. I expected him to say something like this, I had heard it the last time we had hung out and I just figured it was a line, like telling someone that you should get coffee sometime but both understanding that it's never going to happen. But, they came what I was waiting for- the goodnight hug. Would he go one arm, or two arms? Would he try to kiss me? This hug could tell me where I was with him. He reached out an arm- just one- and me and my awkward nervous state said "umm, do you want a one arm hug or two". Surprisingly after my stupid question, we had a two arm hug. And it felt perfect. I felt like I perfectly fit into his arms, which were wrapped tightly around me. I fit in his nook, with my face against his chest, cheek against she soft t-shirt that he was wearing and my arms wrapped around his back. I could feel his back muscles through his shirt. I don't know how tight he was hold me, but I think I was holding him pretty tight. And I can't seem to care. If this was all I was going to get, I might as well make it good. But, when we finally let go, however long that was, I made sure to go ahead and ruin it by saying that it was a little awkward. It was like word vomit spewing out of my mouth. Seriously, could my brain shut up for one second and let me enjoy my only contact with a man in 3 years? 
He replied "Awkward? We are friends, aren't we." It amazing how five little words can break your castle of hope and friend zone you. And we all know that once we go into the friend zone, the possibility of getting out is slim to none. Yes, I want to be his friend. Friendship is kinda a precursor to any sort of romantic relationship. In all actuality, what I want in a future mate is a best friend that I make out with. But I don't want to just be his friend forever. 
I told him that it's always going to be a little awkward with him thought I didn't expound as to why. He didn't need to know that the awkwardness was fueled by the fact that I still find him extremely attractive, thought he knows that I do after last night, and I enjoyed our hug a little too much. 

I went into my house angry at myself for ruining my only chance with him- I'm still angry truth be told. I texted K who proceeded to try to calm me down by assuring me that it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was and to sleep on it, maybe things would look different in the morning. They didn't. Instead, I've been on the verge of tears all day, knowing fully that it's over- I had a chance and I ruined it. I even tried to see what he was thinking by sending his a quick text telling him that I had fun and thanking him for hanging out and jokingly say that hopefully it won't be 9 months before we can hang out again. What I got in return was a short, seven word response and a lost hope. 

So, there's my sad sob story of desperation and despair. Do I love him? No. Do I even like him in a romantic way? No...maybe. I don't know him well enough to say either way. But I do feel something for him, whether it be like or lust (not sin lust, physical attraction) that keeps me interested in him. Maybe I just was to be like we were when we dated, I was happy then and he's a good kisser. Honestly, I don't think I would ever know until he and I tried a relationship again. And now, I have blown that chance so I'll probably never know. 

Girls, learn from me, please.  My heart can be broken, it's actually gotten used to it. But I would never wish that upon anyone else. 

Love to all-
Catherine

Fangirling: I think I'm Doing it Wrong

In case you haven't noticed yet, I am a semi-professional fangirl. I'm only semi-professional because I am also a college student and teachers feel like my time is better spent reading boring textbooks than cyberstalking my favorite celebrities to find their favorite flavor of ice cream. Go figure. 
Now, the basic timeline of a fan girl is as follows:
First, the discovery- The fangirl (me) discovers a new television show/ movie/ book series/ actor and looks them up using whatever search engine she (me) deems useful.
Second,  the first exposure- After the discovery, the fangirl either watches a few episodes, movies, YouTube videos (containing the new actor) in fair moderation, slowly edging into the complex world of the fandom. It's like getting into a cold swimming pool, you slowly get in and get used to the crazy, I mean water.  
Thrid, the obsession- Through a climatic turn of events, every waking moment is suddenly spend reading or watching about the new obsession. This is the driving force that challenges you to walk all three seasons in two days. If you run out of things to watch, that's okay- there is always YouTube and fan made videos to fuel your desire. But you don't stop there. You constantly try to insert your new obsession into day to day conversations. Sometimes it works. Other times, they stare at you like you have a second head. But you don't care, you are blissfully in love with such and such and can't see their looks of confusion and concern. 
Fourth, the lifestyle- Your fangirling obsession becomes part of you life. Your parents may learn the name of your new actor obsession since you keep talking about the obsessively like you actually know them. (I'll admit that both my mother and little sister know that when I say Ben I mean Ben Barnes) This stage gets quite confusing when you become obsessed with a show like Doctor Who and you have to deal with the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctor who are the same character but each contain a different personality and are played by a different actor who you each love differently. You obsession is intergrated into the world of your other obsessions, each having their own place in your mixed up world of fangirling. 
Fifth, the come down- After an extent time in the lifestyle phase, you slowly start backing off your obsession- spending less time watching videos or reading Wikipedia entries and Fanfiction. You never stop loving your new obsession, but life does get in the way and you sometimes can't devote the time you want to your new love. 
Sixth and finally, the relapse- Every so often, you will fall back into the obsessive fan girl stages of two and three, like you are rediscovering them for the first time all over again. This usually occurs before season premieres and movie/book releases or news about your actor. Relapses are completely normal.

Now, why am I telling you the different phases of fangirling? Well, it's because I have a new fangirl obsession that is completely unorthodox....baseball. Yes, I, Catherine, Queen of the Fangirls, love baseball. 

Who doesn't like baseball pants?

In all fairness, I didn't just discover baseball. In fact, I have like it for many years, I grew up a Braves fan, but I never had the desire to curl up on a couch and watch a game. Instead, my baseball viewing was limited to my little brothers varsity games-he graduated high school 4 years ago- and a few live Braves games. That's it. But, that all changed a few weeks ago. *Cue dramatic lightening*
I was a usually sunny afternoon in July. I was upstairs studying when suddenly a thirst of immeasurable proportions engulfed my throat. Unable to stand it, I vacated my solitude of study in search for a glass of cool, refreshing water to ease my suffering. As I passed through the living room....I saw him. He was standing on first base, adjusting his batting gloves, trying to catch his breath. He had just hit his first major league hit, but you would have never known it- his face gave away nothing of happiness or pride, just undeniable handsomeness.
He was the cutest baseball player I had ever seen, despite the fact that I couldn't see his hair. My initial quest slipped my mind, my thoughts were only filled with the cute baseball player on first. I stood there, mouth open, trying to catch his name. I caught an inkling of one, the gist of his first and last, but my ears hear it wrong with my mind focused on him. 
Determined to play it cool, I got my glass of water but lingered a little longer than usual on my journey back through the living room hoping to catch another glance of the baseball boy who took my breath away. My glance was met with disappointment, disappointment and a commercial- probably the one for the pocket hose. 
I all freventness, I google his supposed name. But I was met with an unanswered inquiry and and a heavy heart. I turned back to my books, never forgetting the cute boy on first. 
Two days later, I did something I had never done before- I turned on the Braves game. I grabbed the remote and pushed the channel up button to a place I had never ventured before, passed the style and and E! network to the thousand and one sports channels my cable provider thinks we should have. I went back to the activity at hand, making dinner, but I kept listening for the beautiful boys name. I caught a few plays between chopping and shucking, enough to surprise my little brother and father with a play by play when they got home. After dinner, I even sat down to watch the rest of the game and , finally, I caught his name. It was like music to my ears and I couldn't wait to sneak away upstairs to google his name in true fangirl fashion. When I did finally sneak away, nothing sweeter than typing his name into a google search bar, though I probably spelled it wrong, and hitting send. There is was, the baseball player who had plagued my mind layed out to me in cyber form. I knew his stats, his college and his batting average all accompanied with a picture in a simply click. I also found his ice-breaking music video that left me and my brother laughing. Ah, I was enamored. 
The next day, my family left for vacation and I started DVRing baseball games to fast forward later for glimpses of the baseball player. Night after night, I taped baseball games and read complicated stats online- first of him but soon other players. I learned their names, numbers and positions, picking out my favorites not based on looks but on talent. 
A few days later I had to join my family on vacation, but my fangirling had to be fed somehow. So I finally began using my Sportscenter app, giving my Dad and brother game play by plays in the middle of Walt Disney World and draining my battery in the process. My littler brother, who found this all humorously endearing, didn't mind answering my questions with a knowing smirk, no doubt happy to be sharing one of his loves with his passionate sister. He taught me what a balk was at dinner and discussed the Nationals with me in line. For a mindless vacation, I learned a lot. 
When the baseball player got optioned tot he minors, I downloaded the minor league app to follow him. Now, two apps occupied my time in lines and deplete my battery. And I decided that I had to go to a game, quickly employing my best friend and partner in fangirl crime to accompany me. 
When I got home and he got called back up, the taping began again but, this time, I watched the whole game. Game after game I watched, not just to see the baseball player, but to watch the group of talented, athletic men play a sport that I had rediscovered my appreciation of. Even tonight I interrupted this post to spend three hours curled up in the couch watching the Braves beat the Mets. This passed weekend, I attended my first major league game since high school and had an amazing time despite the fact that my baseball player wasn't there. I was on a fan girl high, pure excitement to see the team I had come to love play and win! 
I was, I am a fan and, most importantly, I'm a fangirl. I only wish I had discovered this love earlier in the season so that I could have may more games, but I will take advantage of the time in the season and post season that I have left and make more trips to Atlanta, where the players play. Maybe I'll even run into my baseball player and hopefully I won't fangirl all over him because that's not attractive, no siree. But who cares either way, I'm going to another game! 

Though, I really do want to see him- he's so CUTE!

Well, there's my latest fangirl obsession. It's strange, but I don't care- I love it. And, hey, it's probably healthier than most obsessions...it encourages me to go outside, sorta. 

I hope you enjoyed this and found it as fun and entertaining as I had writing it. If you have any suggestions for future post, leave them below! 

*Catherine Note* The baseball player's name was specifically left out in case said baseball player ever finds this then maybe he won't think I'm crazy...okay, maybe a little crazy but in a cute, adorable Zooey Deschanel way.

All my love and play ball-
Catherine XX

*Another unrelated note* For those who read and even enjoyed my Ben Barnes post a few weeks ago, have I got a treat for you. I have discovered another song sung by the gorgeous Ben that might seriously have you in tears from its beauty. Seriously, this is the most beautiful song ever- beautiful enough to make stone cherubims come to life and cry because they will never be this beautiful. It just won't happen. Nope.

Seriously, the only way this could be better is if he was singing it to you in person.

Christian Boys:

 Why We Love Them

Yes, yes, yes, this is another dating post which is quite funny for me because I am as single as single comes. One of these reasons that I started this blog is so that I have something to do to fight the loneliness I have developed after leaving most of my friends and moving for school and to be with my family. 

But enough about me, let's get to the real topic of today. 

For Christians dating is a little bit different from the dating world of, well, the world. If you don't believe me then maybe you are doing Christian dating wrong. 

Now, there are some things that Christians guys do that Christians girls think is- I'll outright say it- sexy. And by sexy I mean "oh my word, please marry me now" sexy. 

So, I talked to my girlfriends and together we have complied a list (yay! lists!) about what Christian girls find sexy in Christian guys. So, without further ado...

Top Six Things Christian Guys Do that are Sexy:

1. Say a prayer before you eat on a date. When I was younger, I'll admit that I got a little embarrassed about and would wonder what other people thought when we bowed our heads. Now that I have matured a whole lot, it's completely sexy. When you are with a guy who loves the Lord enough to stop and pray before a meal despite who is around or where you are at shows you the type of husband and spiritual leader of your family. 
2. Give a public talk. Whether is be at a devotional or in front of the whole congregation, something about seeing a guy up there spreading the word of God make everyone young woman drool. And he doesn't even have to be good at it. If he up there stumbling over his words, he adorable and cute and you can't wait for him to come down so you can tell him that he did wonderful and fawn over him, just a little bit. If he's a veteran at it and does wonderful, then he just looks hot. No need to sugar coat that. 
3. Holding the songbook for the both of you during church. Here is my qualm with this whole "paperless" approach for church: no one uses a book any more so there are no guys holding books. :( I loved it when my boyfriend or any boy for that matter would hold the book for me in church. He would hold the book with his big strong arms and veins popping out all over the place, really showing off that he's a man. Love it. So, we might have to bring back song books just for me and my love of forearms, okay?
4. When guys hold you hand during a prayer. Though I'm really not a big hand holding person during a prayer, I don't understand the purpose of holding hands of complete strangers or the little squeeze after Amen. I mean really, what is that? I'll admit it , I have spent more that one prayer focused on the hand that is clasped in mine wondering if he/she can feel my head starting to sweat or that little dry spot that I can get below my ring finger and if they now think that I'm gross. Yeah, not the best thoughts during a prayer. However, when it's your boyfriend or the guy you are dating, it's like a sense of togetherness, together you are offering up this prayer. And, hopefully he has held your hand before so you are worrying less on what they think about your hand and are focused more on what they are saying. 
5. When guys roll their sleeves up. Okay, I know that this doesn't apply only to Christian guys, but I feel like I see it more in them since it's kinda the "dress-code" for church. Guys, every girl loves it when you unbutton your sleeves and roll them up a few times. It makes us go wild! And then, when they hold the song book and they have their veins all popping out...well, it's just an amazing amazing thing.
6. And the last, when a guy leads singing. Now, this is a special one because not every guy can lead singing- some think that they can, but they can't. But when a guy gets up there and leads and knows what he is doing, there is probably nothing hotter. Add that to holding a song book and rolling up his sleeves and you might be in love with him by the end of the song, it's true. But remember ladies, to pay attention to the words of the song, no matter how good he looks. 

So, there you have it. This post may of not been as entertaining as the last too, but I hope you enjoyed in nonetheless. Have a wonderful "hump day" and I'll post again soon!

Lots of Love-

Catherine